Loosing my mum/nan

[Tinydancer321]

I lost my Nan this weekend, she actually raised me since a baby, so was my mum. I’m heart broken, she has always supported me. We messaged and called every day, I would send random pictures of the kids.
I’m struggling, I’m also 37 weeks pregnant and her funeral is 2 days before due date which is a worry.
I seemed to spend the first few days obsessing why she was good in hospital and so poorly at home (sent home on oxygen and 3 times discharged from hospital and each time within days fell poorly). She has copd but this last month just got poorly so quickly!
Then kept wishing I had seen her more.
Today her messaged are no longer on my message screen. “Nan” was always on the top
As I messaged daily. It seems silly but I can’t bare her being so low down and not seeing
Her name, not messaging her. It’s never happened before. It seems so silly, but it’s hurting. I can’t stop thinking about her. How
Much I miss her. But I also want to get my
Head together for the baby. To think she will never meet her breaks me too. She was so happy when she found out and I never imagined she wouldn’t meet her. She was always the first person I told. I also have 3 kids to carry on for and im just so
Vacant. Sorry I just needed to get these words out.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your Nan sounds wonderful. May God give rest her soul in peace and give you ease in bearing her loss. Just keep taking one day at a time..this is not an easy time but it too shall pass.

I lost my grandma in 2016 and was quite close to her. I struggled a lot with her passing but over time it became better. I still miss her hugs but know she's in a much better place than here.

Thank you.

Im so sorry but also can totally relate my nan passed 3 weeks ago also from copd and like yours the last month has been a lot harder for her. Today I went to see her in the funeral parlour I am glad I did go as she looked very peacful . Sorry this isn't much help for you but just to say your not alone

She sounds like a wonderful lady

I am so sorry. Would you be able to call your doctor and ask them to talk you through what happened with her? It must be upsetting for you to think that she got so much worse at home.

@HollowTalk Thanks I think it was her copd I just think it was her time to go. But I don’t think it would of ever been time for me for her to go. You don’t realise how much you love and need someone until they have gone.
She was struggling to breath for a while but she kept carrrying on, she wanted to live, then she was being sick with blood, then grandad Called a ambalance. They put her on oxygen as oxygen was low and the bleeding was a stomach ulcer, she came home and of oxygen and then for 5 days got worse and worse until she was making no sense and couldn’t breath. She went in hospital again, oxygen again and within a day was doing better (her copd was at the stage where she couldn’t walk even to the toilet as was so breathless with oxygen). But she hated hospitals. This time we thought for oxygen at home after 5 days at hospital she could talk well on oxygen (major improvement). She went home with oxygen and an hour being home was more breathless again! I tried suggesting she go back to hospital but she wouldn’t. The copd nurse came out 2 days after and tested her oxygen and said it was fine.
But she was sleeping more and still complaining she felt breathless.
Then she didn’t want to eat (although in hospital she started to build a appetite) then the next day she had kept her self awake all day and said I’m worried to
Fall asleep as worried I won’t wake up. I asked if I called a ambalance and she said no way. I willl just sleep. Then never woke up. 😢. I think it’s more her body was ready to go at home. That’s all I can think. She was having nothing different than what she did in hospital. Or maybe the oxygen caused to much co2. I just miss her so much. Xx