Why am I not feeling any better..

[kickingmyself123]

My cousin died suddenly at just 23 in June 2020. I have no siblings and she was the closest thing I've had to a sister. Her and her brother are my only cousins, very small family.
Her dad and my mum had fallen out shortly before her death, meaning with COVID making funerals small gatherings - I was not invited. I watched it via a video link. I've never had the cause of her death explained to me but I understand it was some kind of blood clot in her brain.
I still cry and sob uncontrollably missing her all the time. I'm pregnant and it's been such a difficult pregnancy which I think has made it even worse. I just long to talk to her, get her advice, I just miss her so much it hurts.
Is this normal? Will I ever feel better?

It must be so very difficult when you don't get the opportunity to grieve "properly".
Can you speak with her family directly? Spend some time with them. Or would that cause ructions?

Condolences. Could you write a letter to her parents to let them know you think of her & them often. You're having a new baby & family is so important. I hope reunions are able to be made & you're able to progress