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Bereavement

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My Dad, now my brother

8 replies

Notyoregularmum · 09/08/2021 07:08

My father died 14 months ago (I was a daddies girl and we were really close) and it absolutely broke me, I kept going for my mum (they were married 42 years) and my 3 other brothers. I am 28 years ago, I have a twin brother, middle brother is 32 and eldest brother is 35. I was their shoulder to cry on and I was strong for them all. I grieved in my own way and with the help from a private counseller.
However 3 days ago my eldest brother hung himself, he didn’t message me or call me, he never told anyone. I don’t understand why? I don’t know how I am going to move past this? How do you just start learning to live with your dad dying and now trying to process that my big brother is not here anymore? I just can’t. I am a mess, I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t hold a conversation. This is so hard and I am terrified this is going to completely break my mum. He left behind his 2 beautiful children who are 11 and 8.
The only thing I keep trying to tell myself is that he is back with my dad.
Why is life so cruel? I need a hand hold right now.

OP posts:
GingerScallop · 09/08/2021 07:29

oh op, this is so crushing. Am sorry for your loss. I have no words really but here for a hand hold. And keep getting the counseling. Hopefully the pain will get more manageable with time

CherryLeaf · 09/08/2021 07:31

Hand hold right here for you, I’m so so sorry for all that you have been through… Such a shock - your dad and then your lovely brother. I wish I had the right words, but until then I’m here 💐

jay55 · 09/08/2021 07:46

I'm so sorry for your losses.

Try and take care of yourself.

MissyB1 · 09/08/2021 07:51

Goodness that’s horrendous you poor thing! I’m so sorry to read this. At the moment it must be overwhelming shock and pain, at some point maybe you might be able to contemplate bereavement counselling?

Meantime I hope you and your family are able to find some comfort in each other.

Strictly1 · 09/08/2021 08:33

I'm so sorry. I had very similar a few years ago and I'll be honest, it has been the hardest part of my life and my life hasn't been a bed of roses.
I had so many questions, the main being why. Trying to support my parent was so hard and the impact is still there years on.
What I'm trying to say is be kind to yourself and reach out. I don't think you'll find the answers you are seeking but you will get better at accepting you can't answer the questions.
The events have certainly marked my life. However, it has made me reflect in some ways, I'm able to appreciate the smaller things more now I'm years on. It still hurts but how could it not? I loved them both so much.
I am so sorry. Please take care and reach out when you need support. If you are to support your parent, you will need your own reserves too x

Vallmo47 · 09/08/2021 09:17

I’m so sorry OP. I hope you have the same amazing support you’ve given your family.

HollowTalk · 09/08/2021 09:19

That's horrific. I'm so sorry for you and your siblings and your mum. Flowers

SwanShaped · 09/08/2021 09:44

So sorry to hear that. It must be overwhelming

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