Bereaved parents advice - birthday of a deceased child?

[KihoBebiluPute]

I know that nothing I can do or say will ever make my friend who lost a son "feel better" and that's not my aim, but coming up soon is what would have been his 17th birthday if he hadn't died suddenly and unexpectedly (teen cancer). I don't live near my friend and haven't been able to be of much practical support, so mostly I have just been sending supportive texts/emails which doesn't seem like much. I know that the forthcoming birthday will be a particularly difficult day for my friend, I have a "thinking of you" card to send but wondered if I could/should send anything further - I thought of sending flowers to be delivered on the day, but my sister reckons that would be too "funeral-like" (the actual funeral was only a few weeks ago). Can anyone advise? Would flowers be unwelcome and if so is there anything that I could send that wouldn't be equally unwelcome? Sending treats like a hamper/chocolates seems like too "celebratory" but I don't know. Any ideas what would be welcome?

I always call or message a couple of days before birthdays just so my friend knows that someone else remembers.

Your poor friend.

A card is a lovely idea, maybe you could treat her to lunch or something if she was up to it? But I also think flowers would be ok too under the circumstances.

Alternate idea, how about a donation to a meaningful charity in his name?

How awful for their family. Rather than a bunch of flowers, I would probably send a lovely David Austin rose or something similar that they can plant in their garden.

You sound like a lovely friend.

I have never thought much of flowers, and then my son died in January. I had a lot of flowers sent to me and I was so very touched by the sender's sentiments.
Although we all don't feel the same after such a loss, I think you should send them.

I appreciate messages and cards. More than a ‘thinking of you on this shit day’. A message about my daughter with someone’s memories is better.

I don’t like flowers, it makes me think of her funeral.
I would say - a card in advance and a message on the day. You could also send a nice care package - I run a gift box business and would be happy to do something at cost price for your friend. Please send me a message if that would be if interest.

I've bought Joma bracelets for gifts like these, often at the time of bereavement but could still be suitable now and something she might like to keep?
I've had Guardian Angel and Thinking of You ones in the past.

I would send the card.

Everyone's different but I found the first birthday/christmas/anniversaries really difficult, I stayed in my bed and cried all day.
I used to always have flowers in the house when dd died my house was full of flowers. I'm not too keen on flowers now as it is a reminder, although I take a fresh bunch to the cemetery every week.
You sound a lovely and caring friend.

You sound a lovely friend OP and I think the fact that you are thinking of ways to show your friend you are there for her will be felt by her. It's not the same as losing a child, everyone's grief is different but I have found that the cards / letters we received that shared fond and happy memories of my DF to be particularly special - they make me cry reading them but I love hearing how much other people treasured him too, so I wouldn't shy away from writing something personal like that in the card and by all means I think flowers would be appreciated. Personally I just found comfort in the effort people made in their different ways to show they were thinking of me, a phone call from one friend, a letter from another, flowers from another and gin from another - they were each heartfelt and just the fact that they were thinking of me was very comforting so I think doing anything as long as you're doing something is the important thing, if that makes sense?

Oh and also, you clearly 'get it' in that you can't make her feel better, you're just showing her you're there for her, so that's the main thing.

Ive lost a son. A friend, actually someone I don't know that well, turned up out the blue on his anniversary of his death, with a bunch of lovely flowers including his funeral flowers. I was overwhelmed and just so so touched at receiving something so special and thoughtful.

I didn't think they were funeral like or an unwelcome gesture, it made me so happy to have him remembered like that.