Dad's death impacting my relationship

[DiscoStusMoonboots]

Hello everyone,

I'm here looking for some advice. My dear dad died in April from long-Covid related illness. It was all very quick - he went in to hospital with a pain in his stomach one morning, then died that afternoon. Mum and I obviously reeled from the shock for quite some time, but planning the funeral helped in a way - it provided a distraction.

Now, a few months on I feel utterly dreadful. The grief has kicked in with full force - I'm back at work, but just going through the motions. I feel completely hollow, and some days just want to end it all myself. It's all just too much to bear.

Last night, I had a bit too much to drink and was very emotional and quite erratic. My partner has been fantastic all this time, but last night was too much for him, and rightly so. I've agreed to go to grief counselling but I just feel awful. About everything, really.

Does anyone our there have any advice on how they made it through this? I'm terrified I'm going to burn all my bridges due to grief and I cannot let that happen. Advice very gratefully received.

Didn't want to read and run OP. Sorry for your loss. What a horrific shock.
Does your work offer counseling as part of an employee assistance plan? Otherwise, people speak well of Cruse.

If you can, try to look after yourself physically - eat proper meals, go for a walk every day, go to bed at a regular hour, stick to herbal tea rather than alcohol - as that helps regulate your emotions a bit.
If you have any older friends, aunties, over 50s, that you trust, see if you can find time for a chat with them. Someone older may well have been through similar stuff and can make you feel less alone and that there is stuff beyond this awful grief.

A good book for understanding how trauma affects the brain and creates what seem like uncontrollable hair trigger reactions is "The body keeps the score" - I do recommend that, it's clear, compassionate and scientific (the title makes it sound hippy dippy and it really is not). It might help you understand and start to control the scary up and down emotions so you don't feel quite so at sea.

My partner died roughly month after diagnosis at the age of 56 in Jan 2015.

I would allow myself an hour or so of wallowing. I would compile photos to give relatives whilst listening to his music. I would then force myself out of the wallow and do the mundane looking after kids, cleaning, admin etc.

I think this helped me process my grief in a controlled environment. I still cried in the supermarket, at the school etc but I think it was probably less than if I hadn't allowed myself time off.

Big hugs xx

My amazing mum died very suddenly in 2014.The shock when it happened was overwhelming. It definitely took a few months for me to accept her death .I allowed myself a couple of hours a day to grieve and wallow and then I would do something positive..even just going for a walk ,weeding her garden and just generally keep her house going! It really does help.💐