Can anyone arrange to view my brother’s body in the hospital?

[trashcanjunkie]

My brother died suddenly on 21st June - he’s in the hospital morgue until his funeral. We have shrouded his body whilst he’s waiting for burial but have found out today that when a friend of his (unknown to the family) viewed his body, the shroud had been unwrapped and his head exposed. Not sure what to make of this.

I'm not sure how they managed that tbh. Very hard to get access for many many reasons.

That must feel like a huge violation. Surely only close family should be the only ones to do this?
If I was you, I’d be having words with the “friend” and making sure they stay away from the funeral. They sound like a total drama llama grief thief.
I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re having to deal with this on top of losing your brother.

Did the 'friend' tell you this? I am very very surprised that they were able to gain access.

This happened with my son.

I had said family visits only and, at the time, a local religious, what I can only describe as cult, took issue with me choosing a cremation, they harassed me and lied their way in to visit my son and gave him some kind of blessing (then harassed me for weeks).

I'm so sorry that you have to miss your brother, and that your pain has been amplified by the actions of this 'friend'

I can only think they must have lied to hospital and pretended to be his family. Hospital policy is usually next of kin notified and asked what they want.

Update - spoke with mortuary technician this morning - anyone can request to view a body - they have to provide their name dob and an address. Having looked at what I can online I know there is no ownership over his body so I appreciate that anyone may be able to ask to see him. I’m upset because the morgue staff knew we were desperate to complete shrouding him before anyone else got in to see him - he had a silk shroud placed over his head and face, underneath the cotton outer shroud, which had been opened up for the viewing - am I being out of order in thinking they really should have made me aware this would happen? Rather than finding out by the by…

It’s just so upsetting. The silk shroud was made from material taken from my wedding dress - one of the last times we were all together as a family. I had shrouded his body myself and had some placed the silk around his face just so - this was a real comfort to my mum and dad. Had the hospital said he would be need to be unwrapped for viewings, I’d have challenged them as it is directly against our wishes.

Had placed, not had some placed…

@trashcanjunkie

It’s just so upsetting. The silk shroud was made from material taken from my wedding dress - one of the last times we were all together as a family. I had shrouded his body myself and had some placed the silk around his face just so - this was a real comfort to my mum and dad. Had the hospital said he would be need to be unwrapped for viewings, I’d have challenged them as it is directly against our wishes.

Oh wow so sorry this happened. Feels like a real intrusion.

I think it’s different as he’s still in the hospital and not with a funeral director.
I’m sorry for your loss x.

i honestly had no idea that noone owned a body once the person had passed and that anyone could go to see the person. I can completely understand your feelings and i'm so sorry for your loss. Can you go back in and rearrange the silk as you wish?

@BingBongToTheMoon

I think it’s different as he’s still in the hospital and not with a funeral director. I’m sorry for your loss x.

Thanks - apparently not - if someone is aware of where the body is - still the issue for me is the lack of transparency - I wasn’t made aware that our wishes couldn’t be adhered to - his face being seen directly and the shroud being disturbed…

I'm sorry for your loss- but I would assume the face would be shown if someone was viewing him- they are there to pay their respects to him, and not a wrapped body they can't see. If there is a specific reason you are against anyone seeing his face after he passes, that would absolutely e something you'd need to specify, as I know if I was in the situation of seeing a friend or loved one, I'd want to see them and not juts an outline of them.

Are you able to contact your DBs friends to explain your family's wishes? You could contact one and ask them to let the others know.

His friends would have to be heartless to not follow your parent's wishes.

I assume he wasn't in a long term relationship and his partner had a different opinion? That would take more negotiation, as it would be important for all those close to your DB to be considered.

Sorry that you're upset.

I'm not familiar with how you're preparing your sons body, is it in line with a religious view?

Sorry brother not son

I’m so sorry to hear this. I really thought the hospital would have to check with the next of kin for visitors. It seems really wrong.

@123ZYX

Are you able to contact your DBs friends to explain your family's wishes? You could contact one and ask them to let the others know.

His friends would have to be heartless to not follow your parent's wishes.

I assume he wasn't in a long term relationship and his partner had a different opinion? That would take more negotiation, as it would be important for all those close to your DB to be considered.

The strange thing is the friend I spoke with told me my brother was already visible and no mention of the shroud - it appears to have been tucked under a top sheet.

It's pretty standard to unwrap the persons head/ face for a viewing, it's not something they would expect a family member or friend to do themselves. They would pull down any face covering so that he could be seen.

Can I ask, just out of curiosity, why don’t you want your brother’s face to be seen or to have his main shroud touch his face?
Was it maimed or hurt in some way or is it a religious thing?

I too didn’t know that anyone could view a body without family permission. I’m sorry I was mistaken earlier. My Uncle’s children were refused to see his body by the funeral directors on request of their step-mother, so I thought it might be the same.

@BingBongToTheMoon

Can I ask, just out of curiosity, why don’t you want your brother’s face to be seen or to have his main shroud touch his face? Was it maimed or hurt in some way or is it a religious thing?

I too didn’t know that anyone could view a body without family permission. I’m sorry I was mistaken earlier. My Uncle’s children were refused to see his body by the funeral directors on request of their step-mother, so I thought it might be the same.

We don’t follow a specific religion - we’ve just been feeling our way through things a step at a time and we all felt quite strongly he wouldn’t have wanted people to see him when he had passed away and we didn’t think it was a problem- we’d made our wishes clear to the chaplain and morgue technician on the day. I just feel like it’s not right not to tell us that would happen.

Ah, this is complicated. I'm so sorry about your loss, and that you're feeling so hurt over this.

I suspect they didn't want to upset you by telling you the shrouding would be lowered for any visitors; as shrouding is usually something done for the family, rather than the body, IYSWIM. They wouldn't have wanted to cause you additional distress by telling you that it would be moved, and they may well have presumed that you'd be aware and okay with it as long as it was moved back.

Anyone can request to see a body, and if they do, the face is uncovered so that they can do the viewing - this is done by a member of staff, rather than the visitor themselves, and then the covering is replaced. This is the case even when someone is quite badly damaged, although they do warn the visitor... it surprised me when a family member of mine died, too.

How long will he remain in the hospital?

Thanks TakeYourFinalPosition that’s comforting to understand - he’s going to stay there until the funeral next week. I’m just going to have to go to the other place and when we collect him (we’ve gone fully diy) I can re do the head shroud. The whole process has been fascinating as well as sorrowful