Long lasting grief

[iamruth]

Firstly, I’m sorry to intrude here and so very very sorry to everyone who has recently (or not so recently) been bereaved. In short my mum passed away when I was in my early teens almost 19 years ago and almost 4 years ago now my Maternal Grandmother passed away who I was very close to. I’m increasingly finding myself overcome with grief to the point of tears any time that I am alone and not otherwise occupied with work (working from home now). Overall I don’t feel I am suffering from depression or similar having experienced this to varying degrees in the past. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, maybe some reassurance that this might be normal or some ideas of what to do? I feel like a fraud given how long this has been now.

So sorry to hear this OP.
One thought that occurs to me, reading your post, is that the brain keeps developing until your late 20s, and you're only in your early 30s. Might it be that you didn't process the loss fully at the time? - particularly losing your Mum, as some bits of your brain you have now, well, they literally wouldn't have been there when she passed away. And circumstances at the time might have meant you just "got on with things".

Another thought is that perhaps there's something going on in your life now - some stress in work or personal relationships perhaps - and this is stirring up old feelings, like when you rummage in a cupboard and stuff you put away years ago falls on your head.

Anyway - might be something else altogether - those are just a couple of guesses.

You're not a fraud. There is no time limit on grief. The second death has brought up a lot of feelings from the past. Some days will be better then others. Try to go easy on yourself.

Thank you both for taking the time to reply. @FluffyFluffyClouds what you say really makes sense, plus we moved house recently having been in our old house for 11 years. On reflection the change there could be stirring things up. @Sunshinedrops85 thank you for the reassurance,