Last text to DS16

[badgerread]

My ExH took his own life 2 years ago, we have two sons who were 14 and 10 at the time. DS12's grief was immediate and he has had a year of counselling, however DS16 grief has been delayed and is only starting to come out now. We recently moved house and while packing he came across a folder detailing his DF's mental health history (sectioned, previous suicide attempts etc. He also found the CD of the inquest which he listened to). I only found out yesterday that he has found this.

He has also been going through texts on his phone from his Dad and the last one said, 'Give me a ring mate' which he didn't do and is struggling with this. I don't know what/how to say that we could never have imagined this happening and that sadly even if he did call him I don't think it would have made a difference as he was so determined to take his own life.

Please can someone help?

Your poor boy. I've found this link to UK Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide. It has details of organisations who may be able to help, as well as a national helpline and forum for those who've been bereaved. I hope your son can find peace - it's not his fault, as you already know

uksobs.org/we-can-help/services-for-under-18s/

Thank you so much. I have just emailed my local group.

Winstons Wish has been amazing with my family after going through something similar. They have specialist counsellors for children bereaved by suicide.

tatty thank you. They did send me resources when it happened and I have just ordered a book from their website. I'm sorry you've been through something similar.

I lost my dad to suicide a few months ago, I'm mid twenties so obviously not as young as your son but young enough that losing a parent at all is unusual, without the added layers of grief due to his death being a suicide. I really recommend SOBS. Being able to talk to people who have experienced a loved one dying by suicide has been hugely helpful.

It is absolutely normal to feel as your son feels, I was due to see my dad a couple of days later and we had messaged the day before he died about my visit. The unanswered questions and 'what ifs' are awful but completely normal.

You could also see if your local Mind offers a suicide bereavement support service or look at bereavement counselling that specialises in loss by suicide?

I have not been in your situation op or the rest of the posters here but just wanted to say I am so sorry for all of your losses and the turmoil that follows.

My friend lost a parent this way some years ago now and I explicitly remember her moments of absolute horror and anger that would come in waves and then settle again.

It took a long time for her to almost ok herself in her mind that she couldn't have changed anything prior to her parents passing and she's more at peace with it now

Thank you so much for your message house and I'm sorry for your loss. It really is a horrible and confusing time. I have made contact with my local SOBS branch. Take care.