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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Losing a Twin

16 replies

itsnotmeitsu · 05/06/2021 22:13

My sister was taken into hospital a couple of weeks ago and never fully regained conscience. Next week it's her funeral. I've not really been involved in it, so just going along with arrangements. Is there anybody on here who has lost a twin to death and can give me some hope that you get through it?

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 05/06/2021 22:20

I am so sorry to hear about your sister, I have no words of advice I am afraid but so sorry for your loss 💐

Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 06/06/2021 22:18

@Workinghardeveryday

I am so sorry to hear about your sister, I have no words of advice I am afraid but so sorry for your loss 💐
Thanks so much for your response. I feel like life will never be the same again.
OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 07/06/2021 23:20

@itsnotmeitsu it will be different but not as painful as it is now, they say time heals.
Do you want to tell me about her? X

BCBG · 07/06/2021 23:24

I am so sorry. When you are ready, this group may be very helpful for you - lonetwinnetwork.org.uk/about/

AndeanMountainCat · 07/06/2021 23:25

I’m really sorry for your loss. Flowers

Strokethefurrywall · 07/06/2021 23:46

Life won’t ever be the same again, you’re right. And you’re facing a monumentally awful and terrifying loss.
I lost my younger brother and it was awful and he wasn’t even my twin. To lose someone so entwined in your life since the minute you were born is unfathomable.

But you will get through it. You’ll never get over it, no, there is no getting over a loss like this. But you move through it, breath by breath, second by second, minute by minute, day by day. And so it goes on until eventually, you can make it a whole day without being overcome with grief. And then a week, and then a month.
Eventually you’ll stop feeling pain when you think of them, you’ll just feel hollow. And then you’ll stop feeling hollow and the memory of them makes you smile. And the sadness doesn’t overwhelm you.

I’m so truly sorry for you and your family. The beer wave meant board here was a true help when I was in the grips of grief. I don’t think I posted my own thread, by I relied on old threads and old grief experienced by others, to know that someone else was going through the same thing I was.

Thinking of you 💐

Strokethefurrywall · 07/06/2021 23:47

*beer wave means bereavement!

Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 09/06/2021 20:00

Thanks for that link @BCGB, and I will check it out, eventually. And lots of thanks to those who've posted on this thread. The funeral was this morning. I had to explain to people that I wasn't going to be part of the actual funeral; (it would have been like viewing my own), but I waited outside in the grounds, and my husband was inside (known my sister since 1987). Afterwards it was so lovely to be amongst family, who I rarely see. My niece did use my choice of 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol for the final song, and I chose that because as a twin we had countless occasions when we shared a bed. Again, glad I wasn't in there to hear it.
@Strokethefurrywall, I had a card from a very old friend that showed steppings stones, and indicated 'take one day at a time'. She's had her own losses.
I will never be the same person I was, but the new person I am will survive. Thanks again to those who've posted.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 11/06/2021 22:47

I suspected all along, but hoped I was wrong. My sister's neighbour has stolen from her. It turns out £44,000+ has been stolen. Money that was my sister's inheritance, and then my niece's, and came from my mum slogging to build up something for us. It's now in the hands of the bank and the police.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 11/06/2021 22:53

Oh good, I'm so sorry your family are going through this on top of your terrible loss.

Gazelda · 11/06/2021 23:01

@Gazelda

Oh good, I'm so sorry your family are going through this on top of your terrible loss.
OP, I'm so sorry. I meant to type God, not good. Inexcusable not to proof read. Sorry.
Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 12/06/2021 18:36

My thanks are for your thoughts @Gazelda. Don't worry, I've made plenty of gaffes. You bothered to post - thanks.

OP posts:
Amirite · 12/06/2021 18:43

I’m so sorry for your loss. My friend has recently lost her sister and is hurting terribly… I can’t even imagine what you must be going through.

YarnOver · 23/06/2021 21:19

I am so so sorry for your loss.
I'm an only child so I can never loose any siblings, but I have 2 daughters, and my youngest's twin brother died - he was still born at 32 weeks.
I know it's not the same in any way as what you're going through and I am very sure this can be of no help. But even I know, even with no siblings myself, as a mother of twins, the bond is so different to that of regular siblings. Even at a young age my youngest picks up on memories and things we have about her brother, it's like she knows he's around her.

So I don't have advice, but as a twin mummy with only one twin I feel so deeply sorry for your loss. Truly Flowers

Is their anything you'd like to share about your sister ? Any memories or anything.

Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 23/06/2021 21:38

@YarnOver, thank you for responding. Of course your twin daughter would have spent all that time with her brother before he and she were born. I'm sorry for what you and she have lost. I'm a big believer in genetic memory, so I understand what you're saying about your youngest.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 23/06/2021 21:49

So sorry OP. I lost a dear sibling, not a twin, in our 20s. It's true that time heals. The devastation slowly lessens and one day you wake up and it's not the first thing you think about. At first I felt guilty if I was happy, but that goes away. I found it very hard to tell people for the first few years. It's a process. You keep her in your heart. ❤️

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