Help! Clearing out Mum's tomorrow and feel sick

11 replies

flyingumbrellas · 30/05/2021 23:24

Hi everyone. So my beautiful, wonderful Mum died early on in the pandemic after several years of illness. 5 years prior to losing Mum, I lost Dad to dementia. Tomorrow I clear out their home of 21 and 26 years respectively. The thought makes me feel sick. There is no deadline as probate will probably take another year to be sorted by the solicitor but I feel I need to do this now because I have left it over a year and my ongoing back problem may require treatment soon, so I'd rather not do this after the treatment. Also I feel terrible about leaving the place empty. The sooner I get it sorted the sooner I can rent it out or sell it, based on probate etc. Mum was a hoarder and I'm quite disorganized and an only child and so this will make the job additionally tough. DH will be assisting and my LO will be in the other room, which is a non hoarded space, doing crafts etc as we get on with the jobs in hand. Never felt more alone. Mum had no other family and Dad's act as if I don't exist. Feel so very very alone. Anyone got any tips on how to start with this mammoth task tomorrow? Thanking you muchly xx

OP posts:

HerkyBaby · 30/05/2021 23:39

HI OP sending you a big hug as you embark on this. My advice is to remember that this was your mums treasure before she died and treat it accordingly. Fold her clothes neatly and place them in bags rather than stuffing them in. Put the clothes in old suitcases if required and take them to charity shops. Chat to her as you are doing it as this can really help. Remember that you have time to do this but you need to ensure that your home doesn’t become overwhelmed with her things. My top tip for something to bring back are the Christmas Decorations as they signify happy times and you will probably remember baubles from your childhood. You might eventually need a skip but for now put a box in the hall and put the things in there that you really want to keep. You will probably need a skip at some stage but not yet. Furniture can be sold or given to charity but try to ensure that you are not overwhelmed with mess. Just do one cupboard at a time... Good luck x

Theworldisfullofgs · 30/05/2021 23:41

I cleared out my dmum's house with my sisters. I did her room. We did it bit by bit. You just have to start.
I found it sad and nostalgic and reminders of happy memories all at the same time. She hoarded as well. I did find my childhood teddy bear which she had kept.

It generally was easier than I expected, anticipation is always worse. I do feel for you, and my condolences. It's strange being an adult orphan. It can feel very lonely. It gers easier but it doesn't really go, just the waves of it get less.

Take it easy, do it bit by bit and take time to remember. I think it makes the processing of it all easier. Hope you will be OK.

Original poster

flyingumbrellas · 31/05/2021 22:36

Hi thanks so much all of you x it means a lot that you've commented. I went today and did a lot. Feel calmer now I've started.

OP posts:

Frazzle76 · 31/05/2021 22:46

Lots of love. It's so so hard when you're and only child and both parents are gone. Take time. There's no rush with the house. Do it in a way and speed that suits you - this is all about what you want. No one else. Xx

Original poster

flyingumbrellas · 01/06/2021 11:51

Thanks so much Frazzle. I'm exhausted already because I've got a bad back and am in endless pain x

OP posts:

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/06/2021 18:38

Can I make a suggestion if you are an only child and have physical limitations?
Work through the house and only box up what you want to actually keep. Once you have done this carefully and you are sure you have identified what you want to keep, call in a house clearance firm.
It took 8 weeks for my dh, his 3 sibs plus partners to clear out his parents place and it looked tidy from the look of it!
Do not try to shift what you dont want yourself. Far better to pay some one else.

CMOTDibbler · 02/06/2021 18:53

Its just about a year since I cleared my parents house - the only one they'd lived in their whole married life. Due to the distance I got a storage unit near me, and moved everything that might have value or I needed to sort through (like paperwork) there. Then got professional house clearance people for the rest, and sat in the garden while they did a million tip runs to get rid of everything including peeling the carpets up. It was pretty awful, but a bit like ripping a plaster off in some ways.
I then sorted the storage unit a couple of boxes at a time without feeling pressured to make a decision then and there

Grellbunt · 02/06/2021 18:59

Try to focus on what to keep/cherish not what to throw away. You might find that a few things jump out at you. Don't feel obligated to take anything that makes you feel negative emotions when you hold it.

Once you have gathered up keepers and anything confidential... I would also suggest outsourcing the physical clearing to a professional house clearance outfit.

Good luck

itsnotmeitsu · 05/06/2021 22:19

@HerkyBaby

This is a different situation for me, but it rang so true. What a wise person you are. You so obviously have knowledge of this. I'm glad that there are people like you in the world (and posting on here).

AngelDelightUk · 05/06/2021 22:36

Hope the clearing is going ok. My top tip would be anything you aren’t sure if you want to keep or not, keep it for now. It’s better that than have regrets on something you didn’t keep

stressfuljune · 05/06/2021 23:13

When we did my parents we did a room at a time. We boxed and bagged up anything that a charity shop would want and gave to the hospice shop. My mum would have wanted her stuff to go to others with less. We boxed up and kept a lot of items but 10years later most of that has gone over time. It's a process that happens over time

Flip