Bereaved with a chronic illness

[Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden]

My Dad died three weeks ago. I have Ulcerative Colitis and the stress has flared it up massively.

I just am struggling so much. I need to just keep going, small steps but it's so hard.

I'm so sorry op, for the loss of your dad and how you're suffering now.

Have you been in touch with your consultant? I hope they're able to help you bring it under control again soon.

Do you have much support at home or from friends?

Yes thank you. I am on steroids. I will probably check in with hospital tomorrow again. Not really sick enough for inpatient treatment but probably not far from it.
I have Dh and family and friends. Probably the first time my older teens are aware of it's full effects.

Thanks for the response.

Thats really tough though, op, do you manage alright with steroid side effects?

I've seen how awful ulcerative colitis can be, I hope you're not in too much pain?

You're obviously doing the right thing taking it day by day and I'm not going to tell you that time heals all but you will come through the initial shock and grief.

Would you like to talk about your dad?

I just feel like I am floating along not dealing with the grief or anything that needs to be done because I am too busy surviving (trying too anyway!)

Dad had dementia and was in a nursing home for the last year. I want to go to some of his favourite places, show the kids some things that he did and I can't really do any of it. We spent this evening going through old photos and choosing some to frame.

Oh op that must be so hard, I have a relative in a care home and not being able to spend time with him this last year must have been unbearable. No wonder you're struggling so much right now.

You have time to deal with your grief when you're able to, I don't think anyone deals with it in the first few weeks, you do just go from one thing to the next and only once you've run out of things to flit to do you start to really deal with it.

How are your children coping?

I hope looking through photos this evening brought back lots of treasured memories of happier times.

Don't hesitate to reach out for bereavement counselling if you think it might help, op, the consequences of the pandemic really complicates grief.

Are you sleeping ok?

Thank you @TaraR2020 for the hand hold last night. I really needed it.

You're really welcome, op - i hope tonight is a little easier for you. Just take it easy, and always here if you need to talk