Dad died last Monday

[lightshineson]

Funeral over and done with. I hadn't seen him in over a year, he's been so ill for the last 6 months. He was very old, in constant pain had several terminal conditions, I know it was the best thing for him and he passed away peacefully in his own home - just what he wanted.
I don't miss him as such because I've been away from home for such a very long time - only seeing him once a year and he was never great with chatting on the phone - always just went and got my mum.
I've never lost anyone before - I don't know what to expect but I didn't expect to feel like this. I have a weight in the pit of my stomach most of the time, feel shaky, nervous almost, struggle to concentrate and the tears hit me from nowhere - I'm not even thinking about him and they hit me.
Just me or is this normal - I'm really struggling to get back to work.

It's totally normal
Even if you hadn't seen him much or didn't have great chats with him he was still your dad and it's a great loss. Take it easy and look after yourself.

@MyOtherProfile
Thank you for your response - I honestly had thought I'd have a few tears last week and move on. My sister - who has been away longer than me, made me giggle yesterday as she had assumed the same thing and ended up in tears in the middle of a yoga class. much to her embarrassment.
How did I not know how much of a mess people were in after a loss - I feel absolutely awful now that I didn't offer more support to other people I knew - I feel like I've been an insensitive prick.

Honestly grief is massive and hits everyone in different ways. I think we can all be a bit lacking in empathy until it happens to us, then suddenly you understand. I'm glad you've got your sister to talk to. Is your mum ok?

Everything and anything that you are experiencing is normal. We all grieve in our own little ways and own big ways and everything in between.

The thing about loss is that you can’t know unless you experience it. So don’t beat yourself up over that. We live in our own bubbles mostly until shared experiences make your bubble bigger.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Cry when you have to. Laugh if you can.

It’s normal.

Grief hits people in different ways and can hit you at odd times going forward too.

I had a hospital appointment this morning. I had an appointment for the exact same thing 3 years ago the day after DF died. Saw a few elderly men wandering round the waiting room this morning, had a bit of a wobble sitting there as brought my emotions back from 3 years ago and saw my DF in the men walking past.

Look after yourself and sorry for your loss

Mum is exhausted from the funeral - it was an intense few days and she is nearly 90 and not in the best of health. I think she's in a bit of a daze, being very pragmatic and focusing on it being the right thing for him and he would have suffered had he survived - I'll be happy if she continues like this and it never properly hits her.

🌻

Your feelings are totally normal and I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is huge, even if you hadn't seen much of each other in a while.

My Dad died in March. Like you, I live some distance from my parents' house (a 3 hour drive to be precise) so we didn't see each other as often as we would have liked.

It still hits me now, and I think about him a lot every day. I just returned yesterday from visiting my mother, who still lives in that house but is hoping to get into sheltered accommodation now as she is lonely.

It always hits me now as I get near to their house as I know he won't be there. It also hits me again when I have to leave, as my mother is so alone there now.

At other times it can hit you out of nowhere.

You are still in very early days. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. Do you have other family, friends and siblings you can draw support from?

Thank you all for your lovely thoughts - it's a sad club I've become part of - but it will make me a better person - Dad would have liked that outcome.