To see dad in chapel of rest?

[LavenderBee]

To do or not? I know of stories where people regret this, but I wonder if it could help? He died 2 weeks ago as his life support was switched off... I was there and it seemed unreal. Still all wired up. I am hoping that he may look more like him, peaceful, but also will that sense that it’s just his shell. Maybe that will help, as I find I just keep shaking my head in disbelief that it happened. I’m struggling. My brother seems to be managing so much better (he was with us at hospital too).
Dad has not yet been embalmed.. so decision may be taken out of my hands.

You follow your gut instinct. Some people need to go. Some feel strongly that they don't.

There is no wrong nor right.

I visited both my mum & dad in the Chapel of rest. My sister did not. It's totally personal.

I'm so sorry for your sad loss. I chose to see my mum in law even though I was advised not to due to it being after a week. I am so pleased I did as she looked lovely and peaceful after many years of Alzheimer's and we had some difficult times when my children were young and I had a long chat with her and held her hand.

I was with my Dad when he died. He was then embalmed.

My mum was pleased with how he looked but l wasn't at all...obviously l didn't say anything

It helped me so much seeing my dad in the chapel of rest. I sadly wasn’t there when he died as he died suddenly (though expected) and I was too far away to go there before the undertaker came. But I’d have gone anyway, but my brother chose not to. For me just seeing my dad wearing clothes again meant so much to me, as he had been in his nightclothes for months on end being stuck in bed. He looked better than he had in years, strange think to say I know. Might seem odd to many but I took a photo (for my own viewing only) and I got a lot of comfort from that in the first few months. I rarely look at it now 2yrs on. It’s a very individual choice. My eldest child (in his 20’s) came too but we agreed I’d go in first with my mum and if he didn’t look good we would tell him not to come in. But he did come in as we told him too and he is so pleased he did. My brother still chose not to go knowing that info which is fine, everyone is different. For me I left there really believing that wherever my dads soul now was, he was definitely at peace. That brought a lot of comfort to me

Thank you everyone for your personal experiences and reflections. I’m off to see him this morning x

@LavenderBee

Thank you everyone for your personal experiences and reflections. I’m off to see him this morning x

Thinking of you x

I saw my Dad and my Mum. I hadn't seen Dad for a while before he died. He looked so small in his coffin - I thought I had been taken to see the wrong person at first. He was definitely no longer there. I saw Mum a day after she died at the hospital still. She looked like she was sleeping under a white sheet. The hospital had brushed her hair for her. I sat with her for a while and it felt like she might open her eyes and talk to me. I saw her again at the undertakers dressed in the clothes I had given to them. She looked very much like a shell. And again, very small. All of her energy had left. I had a conversation with the lovely undertaker about how energy seems to leave over a few days. It did feel that her energy was swirling around at her funeral though. I was so certain that it would that I refused to make any notes for my speech and give them to the vicar 'just in case' - I knew that her energy would keep me going and allow me to say what needed to be said. I'm glad that I saw both of them. Just wished that I could have been there when they died.

I’m glad i I went to see him. As some of you have said, it’s was so clearly just his shell. I was there when he died but as it was a clinical setting it was very controlled and surreal. He still looked well when we left. Today he looked very different...smart and peaceful but I could see that what remains now must go... hopefully that will help me with the funeral in a few days. I’ve been calm the rest of today. Thank you all again x

So glad it was ok for you @LavenderBee. I hope the funeral is ok and take care of yourself

Ostryga thank you very much 🙏🏼

@Nurse1980

Sorry for your loss. Both my parents died in January and neither of them were embalmed. They both looked perfect after two weeks. I did see mum five weeks after she died and I wouldn’t recommend that.

I don't understand. With all respect, why are bodies kept around so long after death? Here in the US, burial or cremation takes place within three or four days - maybe a week at most

Sorry for everyone's losses.

OP, I think you might be happier sticking with your memories.

This is just my personal opinion. I have never went to see anyone in a chapel of rest. I prefer to remember them as they were. My other reason is that some people have told me their loved one did not 'look' like themselves. It's one of these things that is a very personal decision. For myself, I have never wanted to visit.

Hope all goes well with the funeral @LavenderBee. I actually felt my parents and brother’s funeral were really useful in gaining a bit of closure and helping with the grieving process - a funeral can be sad but is rarely horrid. Take care of yourself xxx