What things did people say that you wished they hadn't

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I have found the "What 1 thing" thread very helpful - because you always want to support friends when they are going through rough times, but it is often hard to find something to say.

I know I have said stupid things at times and I was wondering if it would be equally useful (and cathartic) to remember the awful things that people said - so that we know to avoid them!

I'll kick it off with "oh well, apparently everyone loses their second. It's your body's way of telling you it isn't ready yet."

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dreadful things have been said to soo many people on here

At various times through my three mcs i have had the following said

Well the timing wasnt right anyway
You cant have been that attatched yet
It doesnt matter just get on with it
MMmm there must be something wrong with you ( gee thanks!)

and then on my one succesful pregnancy i was told
dont get too attatched we know your body doesnt do babies

lovely hey
hugs to all

luckily my body did do that baby and he is 15mths old...although i have recently had another mc...which is now just par for the course i think...well according to my mum anyway!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Secur

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oh god no, she never apologised and that isn't even the worse thing she has said to me - but I didn't expect much from the woman who didn't even attend her own son's wedding - never mind

Congratulations Mishi on the baby! Terrible to hear about the other miscarriage,as well as the past ones.
Thinking of you

Bongobum.....words fail me. I wouldn't have that women in my house....not even my street. What a witch.

yeh moondog, know what you mean I went through a stage of that, only civil to her now for the sake of my husband, she knows if she puts another foot out of line and that's it - I go - She knows her son would never forgive her if she did that so begrudgingly she's nice to me through gritted teeth.
I don't think it's half as bad as some of the things on this thread though, God some people are callous, stupid,cruel.

I have read most of these posts agog, especially the people who were grieving..

Hope I've never upset anyone like that...

I had a miscarriage over christmas/new year and had to go into hospital. A friend who is in her second trimester of pregnancy rang me and said " Are you over it yet? as well as "Don't get too emotionally attached to it, it's not even a baby yet". While I appreciate that she was probably preparing me for the worst it hurt like hell, as the miscarriage was happening at one of the worst times of the year when you are supposed to be celebrating...
Some people I think are not aware of the effect of what they are saying, sad but true...

Of course you're not "over it yet", good grief! Hugs from me here (if it helps).

I'm torn between admiring her for ringing you at all under the circs, and wanting to slap her extremely hard for what she said! I think if I were in second trimester and a friend had a miscarriage I could not even speak to her, would have to get DH to ring or something.

People are weird.

louisse28 - I am really shocked by your "friend". You can expect ridiculous things to come out of the mouths of people who cannot possibly understand, but a woman who is pregnant, you would think could imagine what it would be like to be in your position. I feel sorry for that child she's carrying. Goes to prove that not everyone has the maternal instinct.

I belong to another parenting group and when I was pregnant with Connor, who was my first subsequent pregnancy, and having a really hard time, a woman on there actually told me that I didn't "have the corner on grief". Other things were said, which I thankfully have forgotten, but people are cruel, either on purpose or because they are ignorant.

I'm very sad for your loss. Karen x Cameron was born asleep 38 weeks 20/04/01

Yeah you are right. I don't think my friend is particularly maternal, even though she is a really good mother. She basically say's what she thinks, irrespective of what the subject matter is. I am hoping that I will conceive before she pops her sprog out, as I think that will help with the jealously that I am obviously feeling.

My dad died when I was 19 and after the funeral I was on my 1st day back at work, when I was in the toilets. I heard 2 women talking about me basically saying that I was a callous bitch for being back at work so soon after he died.

I have read this thread and am struck by firstly the support that there is here but secondly by the fact that people say the worst things.

I had a miscarriage with my first early on and the doctor examined me internally and used a swab pulling out a whole load of stuff she said "well if it wasnt dead before it must be now"! The nurses were great but I have never ever forgiven the doctor.

The doctor who saw me during my m/c in the summer asked how old I was (27) and then said in a tone as if he didn't quite get why I was making such a fuss, 'oh, you're young, you can have loads more'! FFS - I wanted that one!
On a lighter note, I'm now 20 weeks pg again

it amazes me the insensitive response of some of the medical professionals

Galaxy, I hope you made a dramatic entrance into the hand washing area?

After losing my much longed for 1st baby,a well meaning friend came to visit.

She bought her new baby with her,proceeded to feed her next to me on the sofa as I sobbed-whilst telling me that she knew how I felt because it had taken her a year to concieve her new baby & waiting so long nearly gave her a breakdown.(She got pregnant 1st try with her other children)

As I'd tried for 3.5 years for the baby I'd lost & had been told that it was unlikely I'd ever concieve again,you can probably understand why I wanted to slap her.

My DD was born with DS and someone said 'oh errr, don't suppose I say congratulations do I', and I said 'errr, yes of course you do, I've just had a baby girl, that's exactly what you say'. Very tame in comparison to things that have been said to you girls

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What made it worse was that when we pointed it out to a member of staff, she apologised then said "and now every time you hear it it'll remind you". I probably wouldn't have done if she hadn't said that. So every Christmas now I have to have some time to myself, sit and listen to that and a few other carols, think about Mabel, have a damn good cry and then get on with enjoying Christmas. Just like I had to that year. It's been 4 years now and it doesn't go away, so I don't make it.

I don't think you ever get over a miscarriage, I jsust assume events in your life coupled with time make the length of time you think about it, lessen.