My best mate is dying

[Bloodyfuckit]

Just found out. Very recently diagnosed and now lying in a hospital bed. Alone. About to slip away. We had a very difficult relationship in recent months but she'd been my best mate for 32 years. My absolute rock. Funny, kind, loud, infuriating, annoying but my best buddy. There through thick and thin. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through. How can it possibly be right that no one can be there with her. Fuck you covid. I can't concentrate on anything and have barely stepped out of the house all weekend. My memory has gone too. It's very odd. I try to recall information and it just won't come. We hadn't spoken for a while following our latest (and particularly bad) disagreement. So now, I've got all that shit to process as well as her dying too. How selfish is that. I wanted to drop off this mortal coil before her so that I didn't have to go through any more of this shit but she's gone and buggered all that up. I can't believe this is happening. Fuck.

Just came to say I am very sorry.

I'm so, so sorry

I’m really sorry. Cruise bereavement were really helpful to myself and colleagues when a very difficult colleague took her own life, they really helped us process it.

So very hard

Search your heart and decide if you want to see her.

If you do:
Find out if you can go to see her (some places are allowing end of life visits).
If you can't, you can still skype / messenger her.

If you don't, then you can still communicate with her if you want to. There is always email, text message, phone calls, etc.

Or, you may decide to leave things be.

It's entirely your choice. I hope you come to a decision you find peace with.

So sorry.

The physical processes that make up stress and trauma bugger up the physical processes that store memories properly. See "The body keeps the score" for that (v much not a "woo" book, the title may make it seem that way but it's absolutely not).

Thank you. I've sent her a few texts and had a couple back but she's slipping away fast now, so that's probably about it really. When I lost my mum and dad, it was hugely traumatic but this memory loss thing is new and just weird. I try to recall what someone said to me, for instance and I simply can't do it. It's just a void. Thank you for explaining that it's normal.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my best friend of 30 years last week (not Covid) and although we weren't in constant contact it's been a massive loss. Your friend sounds a bit like her, an amazing woman with such strength of character.

I was invited to go and say goodbye when it became clear she was suddenly nearing end of life in ICU and, now I've discovered I can't go to the funeral (due to number restrictions), I'm at peace with the fact that she knew I was there and our relationship was honoured.

I'm working through different waves of grief, my only advice is do what you and she would do and don't beat yourself up about things like the memory lapses. Be kind to yourself and your nervous system which is in shock. (The body keeps the score, mentioned above, really is a good book to explain how emotional trauma impacts our physical bodies. Not now, but maybe note it for a future read)

for you and your friend