Mother’s Day

[Ilikeviognier]

My mum has been dead 12 years this year. So you’d think I’d be used to it by now; but no it seems. I was 30.

But I can’t seem to come terms with it. Mother’s Day kills me every year (even though I have kids of my own which she never got to meet which is a different level of pain and a thread in its own right).

I have periods where it hits me all over again and it’s like it just happened yesterday. I see the threads about people moaning about their mothers and it’s all I can do not to scream “at least you still have a mother!”

Is this normal? Is this to do with loosing her youngish? Anyone else relate?

I'm so sorry OP. There isn't a time limit on grief.
This will be my 1st without mine, She died 6 weeks ago and it was her funeral only last week.

Yes - thankyou. I’m sorry for you too 🌸🌸

I think it's very normal OP. I lost my Mum 26 years ago (I can hardly believe that typing it out). I was a child. I miss her very intensely at times, or perhaps more accurately, I miss the relationship that we would now have. And oh, absolutely, to our mothers not meeting our children and vice versa. My kids have brilliant relationships with DH's parents but it breaks my heart that they don't have that with my parents too. (My Dad is also gone.)

Anyway. Mother's Day is one of the hard days. I find it's best just to notice that and try my best to lose myself in the lovely things the DC and DH do for me, while also taking a bit of time off by myself. In fact that's what I'm doing today, a sort of pre-emptive strike I suppose.

I hope tomorrow isn't too painful for you, OP.

Thankyou. The same to you too.

I'm sorry OP. I think it can be worse if they are younger and maybe also if it was a shock. My mum's mum died young (in her 50s) in an accident and they weren't able to be there for the funeral and my mum really struggled to come to terms with it. She didn't celebrate Christmas in the same way for years and didn't want Mother's Day cards from me. I still have my mum thankfully but I lost my first child and so I find Mother's Day hard for that reason. That was sudden and I have a lot of anger about that and have a similar "at least you have your children" feeling reading all the threads on Mumsnet today about getting rubbish gifts

I hope I haven't been insensitive at all in what I have said.

Lost mine 18 months ago. Mothers Day was never the biggest deal (probably because my Dad & stepDad were not the type to set the good example, you know, "it's mothers day, I'll help you make breakfast and a card and present for Mummy", they were neither of them the nurturing sort) but we did do card + the odd plant and I did enjoy getting her that.

There is a sort of hollowness though. All the blooming emails advertising Mothers Day.

I'm doing Ancestry stuff which is interesting but does stir it all up. When I was tiny I was part of a huge family of women - my Gran had five sisters - but it's pretty much just me now. Everyone else gone except for a second cousin or two.

Hope all motherless mothers made it to the other side of Mother's Day okay! I wrote a bit about this for the Mum Poem Press and have had loads of lovely emails about it, hope it's useful. themumpoempress.com/blogs/news/dear-mum-a-writing-group-for-mums-grieving-their-own-mothers.