help me understand why these things happen...

[Donbean]

Its too awful to write in words. I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS.
Ive read back and you are all so very supportive and say lovely things to people who have lost babies or children but i just cannot understand WHY these things happen, why?
IT IS JUST SO VERY UNFAIR. Why?

Donbean - have you just lost a baby? If so my heart goes out to you. Its an awful thing to go through but you will in time come to terms with it. Many many people on this site have been through this, me included.

You are right it really isn;t fair- but then so so many things in life aren't But you won't always feel as bad as this, time may not heal, but it does somehow lessen the intensity of the feelings.

If you are able to why don;t you post your story here then we can all work out how we might help you.

Donbean? Pamina and Soapbox are right, lots of us here have had to look in the mirror and ask ourselves that very question. Some of us have nearly lost our faith over it, some of our marriages have been strained to breaking point, some of us have had to attend the funeral of their own child. None of us really know why this happens. You sound in such anguish, please tell us if we can help you at all.
Soapbox is so right - time doesn't heal, but its passing makes your feelings more manageable. More hugs from me too.

donbean, all hugs to you - I have not lost a baby or child, but my heart goes out to you in your sadness.

hello donbean

i am so so sorry to hear of your loss, it is a terrible thing to happen to you.
evan though it was over two years ago now, i still havent come to terms with loosing my baby, there is not a day that goes by that i dont think about it.
my baby was still born and from the minute i wake to the last thing at night all i can see is my baby taking her last breaths, all i can say for advice is to make sure you get alot of support, and time. beleive me darling the pain will faid with time, youwill never forget but it will ease.
maybe seeing your doctor for help to come to terms with your loss could help, i just wish i could give you a hug, sorry this hasent helped.

dont give up keep fighting HUGS TO YOU TAKE CARE [SAD]

Donbean, if we don't know what has happened to you we can't begin to support you, or understand what is so unfair.

Why do some pregnancies end in miscarriage when others end in healthy babies? Why do some healthy babies die suddenly in their sleep? Why do evil people do terrible things that end people's lives?

I don't think anyone knows the answer to those questions. We just have to learn to live with whatever our particular cirumstances are.

thanks, i am struggling to get my head round it all.
Its a friend who lost 2 babies (m/c) had a baby to term but that child less than a week old has a terminal condition and nothing can be done.
They are such lovely people, perfect parents, i just cant get his face out of my mind for the last month he has been walking round on cloud 9, so very very excited about the birth,then the arrival and now this. I just cant stop thinking about it, them and that little girl.
What will we say to them, how can we even look them in the eye again.
i cant stop, my baby, i just want to hold him and be with him constantly, cant let him out of my sight, feel so very very lucky and privelidged to have him.
He confided in me at the begining of the pregnancy because i had lost 2 babies (m/c) too so we felt somehow conected. I cannot connect with this at all, i cannot comprehend or even begin to imagine, i cant think about it as i just cant cope. AND just look at all the "I's" in this message...completely bloody selfish.

There are no support groups, it is very rare but is completely terminal with no cure whatsoever. They are going to lose her imminently. Its just completely futile, sad, unfair and awful. The hospital concerned with her care are bieng superb, completely faultless, supportive and have left no stone unturned. They are bieng a rock to them. We are walking around completely stunned with nobody daring to talk about thier own children, what the future holds for them and how on earth will they carry on. Life will never ever be the same for them, all of you have said that with the dreadful things that have happenend to you. How did you all find your strength to go on?

What i meant to say was thankyou so much for all of your concerned posts. It is so much appreciated. I will be ok, my friends probably not but we all intend to stick together and be friends for each other, thats all we can do for now.
Thanks again every one x

it is easier if yuo believe thsy happen for a reason or that some small amount / or large comes from the event in some form or another

Oh Donbean ... this is so sad.
I don't know what to say only that you are a truly wonderful friend ... and that is what your friends need right now.

Oh, Donbean. I've been thinking about you all day (family visiting, no chance to check this thread). What horrible, horrible news for your friends. I'm so sorry.
Agree with others who say that you sound like just the type of friend they need.
I found friends who were as angry and grief-stricken as we were, most helpful - the ones who cried and raged with us. Knowing that other people would have loved Tom if he lived and were devastated that he was stillborn, did help.
You sound as though you are sharing some of their feelings instinctively. Friends like that are priceless.
You find the strength to go on because you have to, basically. All sorts of things help you - especially friends. Thinking of you and of your friends too. XXXX