6 months tomorrow since DM died...

[harriethoyle]

And it both feels like forever ago and like yesterday. I was with her for the last week of her life and if I close my eyes, I'm back at her deathbed. It's all so clear but also feels like ancient history. Ma was a complicated character and both lovely and totally infuriating. But I'm feeling really weepy and fragile in a way I haven't for months, and dreading my birthday on Tues without her. Can anyone relate? I feel a bit like I'm back at square one, having been so proud of the grief progress I'd made since August...

No wise words but yes I can relate.

for you and birthday wishes too.

Take care.

Thanks @CurrentWife. I've feel like I've gone backwards in a heartbeat. It has to get better.

It’s so incredibly difficult. When I read what you wrote I was back there too with my mum. I was also with her for the week or so just before the end & I still desperately just want her back.

My wonderful dm died end of May & I felt exactly the same just before my birthday in December. 1st anythings since May are especially difficult but for me the dreading was worse than the reality. You will get through your birthday & Mother’s Day like you got through Christmas. It won’t be the same & I guess it never will be.
I remember reading how you can also suddenly have huge waves of grief coming from nowhere & I have also experienced one of those which consisted of me sobbing continuously for a whole evening. Somehow the next day was better.
I hardly ever look at this page now but somehow today I needed it. I’ve recently got an allotment & it just feels wrong that my mum will never know.
It will get better & I hope you get to enjoy your birthday on Tuesday. 💐

Thanks @Badgerstmary. Feeling better this morning after a good night's sleep