My nephew committed suicide. They haven’t found his body yet.

[Wandawomble]

I don’t want to talk about how he died but it’s been 12 weeks now and the police haven’t been able to find him. They have cctv they have shown his family so they know he has done what he’s done.
We are all so afraid, at a loss, in shock.
Bereavement is hard enough at this time but to not know if they will ever find him leaves no closure. I suddenly understand the importance of the ritual of a funeral. When my mum died I was estranged from her and didn’t find out until after she had been cremated and her ashes disposed of, I remember that it took a dream of a funeral for me to feel closure.

I don’t know why but humans need funerals don’t we. It’s not like any of us to be at it even as we are all in different parts of the country. It’s this awful waiting game that’s causing so much pain for my sister (his mum)

I might suggest a memorial service and then they can have a funeral if his body is found. I just don’t know what is best but I know not having a funeral is causing more pain. Open to any suggestions. From what the police have told us it’s possible his body may never be found. How long becomes too long.

So sorry to hear this. I think a memorial service is the right way to go. He needs to be remembered and his life celebrated. Perhaps in a few months time and that way perhaps more people will be able to attend?

It sounds trite but 'closure' is incredibly important to people. It's so difficult to begin to move forward without it.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. My son’s have friends who have committed suicide and my niece has just asked for birthday presents to be money to go to a charity. She did this last year to. In memory of her cousin.

So hard when their body isn’t found. I don’t what the answer is but perhaps talking to one of these charities might help find a way through.

💐

Hi I am really sorry to hear of your loss. I actually lost my little brother in may to suicide he was 21.
I know Its such a confusing and painful to lose someone this way.
I have a suggestion, when my brother passed although we had a funeral, there was an inquest into his death and his body was not released to the funeral director for 3-4 weeks and then another 2 before the funeral was arranged, so in the mean time we organised a memorial of his life.
It was more of a celebration of who he was we lit a few candles and let off some balloons. We had T-shirts’ that we made ourselves with his name and be kind always on them as these were his last words.
I think a memorial it’s a really lovely idea as it gives some kind of closure. Xxx

A friend of mine lost her son in a different way and they had a memorial very quickly after. When she was finally able to have a funeral they had that too.

I am so sorry op

So sorry for your unspeakable loss. How. absolutely awful for you all and your poor nephew

As to your question, I do think funerals and memorial services are important.

The only thing is that although his parents know what happened, without a body it may be harder to try accept it and a memorial service may be something they aren't ready for at first.

I am not sure how long you should wait but often funerals take place a few weeks after the death so I would wait at least that before raising it with his parents if they haven't said anything before then.

. A memorial service will probably be quicker and easier to organise than a funeral anyway so you can leave it a bit longer before starting to organise it.

I do think something about how many show up at a funeral , particularly for a young person offers a sliver of comfort.

I am not sure about how to do this but perhaps instead of advertising his funeral, you could ask for people to send in short clips of their meories/ stories about him which could be played at the service . Not sure if that is something that would work but you are right it is very difficult to think of how to do arrange something worthy of your nephew with all the Covid restrictions.

These are all very useful suggestions. I don’t want to suggest anything yet to my sister but I know she’s going to be asking soon and it will be good to get some ideas for her. I think understanding a distinction between what a memorial is and what a funeral is important for us. I love the video idea.