Sad about lack of funeral flowers

[RichardMarxisinnocent]

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but not sure where else to put it. My dad died suddenly towards the end of last year. My sibling lived locally to my dad so organised the flowers for the funeral. At previous funerals I recall there being a fair few flowers- a spray on top of the coffin, "Dad" or "Mum" in letters made of flowers and other arrangements, so I assumed that this is what we'd have for my dad. Neither of us had arranged a funeral before. We did get flowers from the two of us for our DGM's funeral which were put on top of the coffin.

My siblings's partner asked if they could get flowers from them to which I said of course. The week of the funeral my sibling sent a photo of the type of spray which would be on top of the coffin and I again assumed there would be that, the partner's flowers, dad letters and something else.

On the day of the funeral the only flowers were the spray on the coffin and the flowers from my sibling's partner. The hearse looked so bare compared to others I have seen, it looked like hardly anyone cared about him. I now assume that if you want dad flowers you need to specifically ask the florist for them, is that correct? Presumably if you want other flowers around the coffin as well as on top you have to ask for those too? You don't just ask for funeral flowers and get several bunches which will fill up the hearse. And I guess flowers can be added to by family sending them as we did with my DGM. If I'd known that the default was just the spray for the top of the coffin I would have asked my sibling to ask for other flowers. I feel sad that my dad had so few flowers, and as if we let him down.

Thank you so much everyone. It's a good point about flowers going to waste. We were asked after the funeral what we wanted to do with the flowers and I had no idea. We could have taken them but had nowhere to put them so they were placed in the garden of remembrance. And realistically that would have happened to any other flowers we got.

Someone said about the sadness not really being about the flowers and you're right, they're not that important, it's just something specific to focus the sadness on. Really, I'm sad that he's gone, I'm sad that for much of his last year he was lonely and fed up with all the lockdowns and restrictions, I'm sad that even before that he didn't really have any friends or do many activities, I'm sad that he didn't have grandchildren.

He had some friends, interests and hobbies when he was younger, but the older he got the more he became the typical grumpy old man and lost touch with friends and just spent time walking and watching TV. He wasn't easy to get on with at times, but I know he loved me and I loved him.

My dad died in December. We just had the coffin spray which was lovely. It was enough. Less is more sometimes. I'm sorry for your loss

Everyone who has lost a loved one, I'm sorry for your losses.

Honestly, flowers are a waste of money.
When my dd died the funeral director had an extra vehicle just to transport the flowers.
They covered the graveside, I removed the cards to keep them. All the flowers were left to wilt. £1000s wasted.
When my mum died 2 years later we only had 1 family spray. We asked for a donation instead of flowers.
We gave a cheque to a local dementia charity that had helped my mum. They were overwhelmed the money meant a lot to them.
So sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your recent loss, it's so difficult knowing what to do isn't it. We just had one spray for my dad - as a Scot he would have thought any more were a waste of money! The spray was perfect, we chose the flowers we thought dad would want. After the service we donated them to the local hospice, I imagine they split the spray and made several vases of flowers.

We asked for donations to the hospice at home team that helped my wife in her last days. Her gorgeous spray of flowers was divided between friends and family

Op sorry for your loss.
Many families only have a spray of flowers for the coffin, especially for a cremation. Some crematorium sit them in an area until the end of the day and skip them in the morning move them ready for the next day.

It's not uncommon to ask for donations for a charity rather than have £100's spent on flowers.

Usually if you see a hearse with loads of flowers its going to a grave. The immediate family will buy one or two other flowers will be from extended family like nieces and nephews.

The amount of flowers bares no relation to love.

Can you plant a lovely rose bush in his memory. You can name roses. You could order one in your Dad's name.

I'm so sorry for your loss. When my grandma died my mum organised the flowers and was shocked at the price, we were looking at having GRAN and it was £200. She said my gran would be horrified at the waste and asked me not to waste money on hers when the time came.

My gran had a lovely spray on the coffin and now time has passed and her ashes have been interned we put flowers down and keep it neat and tidy.

Your dad knew he was loved and I'm sure wouldn't have wanted you to waste lots of money either, lots and lots of people choose a spray now.

Sorry fir your loss. My DH is be7 g cremated today, we've deliberately asked fir one spray only and asked fir donations (online because of Covid and our crem won't have a plate)

Hubby would have much rather the money spent on flowers went to the hospice

So sorry about your DH @notapizzaeater .

@notapizzaeater I hope today was bearable for you 💐

Ty, it was as lovely as it could be. 💔

I'm glad the day went ok notapizzaeater

Thank you so much everyone, I feel better knowing that having just a spray, or a small amount of flowers, is actually very common.

Someone suggested planting a rose bush in memory of my dad - unfortunately I don't have a garden so wouldn't be able to do that. But will certainly get more flowers when his ashes are buried, and then I can continue to do so.

Do not let it worry you. I presume you have not been to many funerals. It is more and more now that people realise just how damn expensive and wasteful the flowers are. I last paid about £30 for a letter within a name, each person had a letter within a longer name. The cards usually get kept and the flowers are left. But now people often say family flowers only, please if you wish donate to.....and there is also a collection point for donations at the funeral too. Some people are even making their own wreaths as they are ridiculous expensive. Bit like wedding flowers or valentines, mention an occasion and pay double

Flowers are always an extra. A typical coffin top spray is from £50-300
Not having any flowers other than coffin top spray is a very common option these days . I seem to be a serial funeral go-er as over the years 2 very large families have ended up one very small on (us) so we have had lots of aunts, great aunts, great great aunts etc to see off. (although thankfully they seem to be surviving covid, not had one for a few months). It seems to me that nowadays that people don't want to waste lots of money on flowers (particularly when cremating) and tend to say family flowers only but donations to a favourite charity.

When you consider a resting place, have a look at places where you can plant a tree, then go back in years to come and pick the fruit.