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Bereavement

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Original poster

mum died last wednesday

11 replies

warmandtoasty2day · 03/02/2021 20:03

from multiple organ failure, in and out of hospitals and carehomes since march 18th 2020, i last saw her at her home march 17th.
we weren't able to visit her and this was the last straw for me.
i didn't cry until yesterday until i went to her home to sort somethings out, the council had built her a ramp to her front door as she had a terrible time getting in and out in a wheel chair due to awkward steps. she had waited months for it and it was finally installed in april while she was in hospital. she was so looking forward to it, and she never got to see it let alone use it. i was so upset when i saw it, such a stupid thing to cry over, but it really upset me so much.
am i being silly ? dh says i't normal to feel like this.
l'm sorry for everyone going through similar things, Flowers for you all.

OP posts:
SchruteFarm · 03/02/2021 20:42

You're not being silly at all, I'm so sorry for your loss. Not having been able to see your mum for so long must be devastating.

My DGM had a very invasive procedure to fit a specialist hearing aid, she was terrified of the op which involved drilling into bone behind her ear. However, she went ahead with it (she was mid-80s) and was so looking forward to having the external part fitted but she sadly passed away of multiple organ failure before she got it. She went through all of that for nothing, it's heartbreaking.

Allow yourself to feel how you, don't judge yourself as there really is no right or wrong when it comes to grief x

shinynewapple2021 · 03/02/2021 20:57

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss @warmandtoasty2day

It must be heartbreaking to lose her and not being able to say goodbye . I was really upset when my dad passed and I wasn't there to say goodbye , but this was before Covid and it was only a week I hadn't seen him, so to lose her when you hadn't seen her for a year , of course you are upset .

It's horrible to lose your parent and even worse during the current times . Be kind to your self Thanks

AwfulSomething · 03/02/2021 21:06

My mum died last Monday, covid, I've had a long day of sorting her belongings, looking for paperwork, calls from coroners officer and funeral director...I could go on. I didn't get to say goodbye, and she was deaf so we could only text while she was able. Cry when you need to cry, scream when you need to. One day at a time. There is nothing silly about grief. I wish I could word this properly for you, but today has been hard. A huge hug for you!

Sisterlove · 04/02/2021 23:39

@warmandtoasty2day
I'm sorry for your loss.

It's nearly 4 weeks since I lost my dear mum, so I know how you feel.

So very painful and shocking.

Original poster
warmandtoasty2day · 05/02/2021 23:35

thank you so much everyone, i'msorry for your losses too,it's been good to share my feelings with those that understand.

OP posts:
MoiJeJous · 05/02/2021 23:39

I am so sorry. It is not stupid at all to cry over that - it’s very normal. Cry as much as you need to. Wishing you the best Flowers

buzzofthebumblebee · 06/02/2021 12:20

I lost my mum on Christmas Day. So sorry for your loss & everyone loosing their mum's recently Flowers. And yes, it is the silliest things that trigger and make you cry. Don't apologise to anyone about it. Do what you need to do. And feel what you feel. There will be good days and not-so-good days.

terraclutter · 06/02/2021 16:51

@warmandtoasty2day I'm so sorry for your loss and that due to this horrible pandemic you hadn't been able to be with her.
I sadly lost my Dad last November and my Mum 3 weeks ago. My heart hurts and I just want to speak to my Mum again.
It's such an awful time.
So sorry to all who are experiencing grief in this horrible time.

bearlyactive · 06/02/2021 16:53

I'm so sorry OP. I'm about to lose my grandfather from COVID, it's so shit isn't it? Flowers

Original poster
warmandtoasty2day · 06/02/2021 22:34

Bearly, Sad for you, i trust it will be peaceful as possible for your grandfather. mum had covid and so many other health problems last year but inspite of it all bounced back, we gave her the nickname of 'boomerang' . she loved that when i told her,

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 06/02/2021 22:55

Im so sorry everyone. I lost my mum before Christmas and nothing could have prepared me for the sheer and utter heartbreak. She was in a care home too, i didn't get to say goodbye.

The relationship we had was fraught but she loved me. I thought id feel relief but i don't, i feel regret and guilt and like the grief is swallowing me up.

I have to finish clearing her house tomorrow, it feels so final.

I feel for you all and share your heartache. I try and remember the good times but even that hurts.💔

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