How to deal with friend lashing out in grief

[OhLookHeKickedTheBall]

The title sounds a bit uncaring, so massive apologies for that.

If this was one of my friends I'd like to think I'd deal with it with kindness, let them know I'm there, be as practical as possible, etc and try not to get too upset. Just understand they're struggling. Give it all time.

But what happens when you're all 10 and really not so understanding of things?

Friend A has recently lost a close family member, and it's quite clear from their behaviour that they aren't doing well with it. She's normally a very lovely girl but since the death they've started to lash out at a few friends. Friend Bs parents have gotten into it with Friends A parents already but all that's lead to is a shift of focus. Currently the focus has become my DD, though it's possibly not just her.

I've tried to tell my DD just to be kind and patient, Friend A is having a hard time atm, but it's got too far for my DD to cope with now. My heart breaks for Friend A and her family though, and really hope this is just a blip. I'm not one for raging at the grieving parents either. But I'm wondering if possibly by not approaching it I'm not doing Friend A or her parents any favours?

Sorry if this seems rambling, I'm struggling with what's best to do and clearly have never been in a similar situation.

Can they be kept apart for the meantime.

Im guessing youve been deliberately vague but sounds like its school age children/teens you are talking about rather than adults? If so you should report to the school, they should have facilities to teach out to and support bereaved friend.

In what way is she lashing out at her friends? A bit more info would help us advice on how your daughter should respond.

Thank you both.

At the moment they are all physically apart but have been in contact via FaceTime and messages. In my dds case these have been done in my presence so I've seen the change in behaviour occur. Sudden abrupt canceling calls, lying about having to go off but still playing with others, some odd comments then turning to demanding things are changed in games and then sending nasty messages when it hasn't happened.

The nasty messages were the last straw for friend B and DD who've given their age been quite good at understanding friend A is upset and maybe not acting themselves. That's where friends Bs parents got involved. I've not said anything but have put a block on calls and messages between them for a while in the hope some space will do them both better.

I'll obviously continue to monitor but I know this isn't the girls normal behaviour so wonder if taking a more passive approach is right in the situation.

It's OK to tell your DD that she doesn't have to tolerate being treated badly. She should give the friend space, spend her time and energy on those who treat her well and maybe she and the friend can make it up later

I don't really understand what's happening but if your DD is involved I would tell her to give the bereaved child space and time, and leave it at that.

Thanks again. I'm sorry I'm not making much sense

I've known friend A most of her life. I know this isn't her usual behaviour towards anyone. So while I'm ok with telling my DD her boundaries are ok to have and to back off for a bit, I'm also very worried about Friend A especially as she seems to be doing this to more than one person.

I suppose my query isn't what to do with DD but whether I should mention something to friend As parents, not in a have a go but more of a I'm concerned way. Or whether that would make things worse for them all.

Friend A has both parents? Unless it was a sibling death I would approach them and be clear they need to monitor more appropriately if its a grandparents death I would go to the dad if the mum has lost a parent and vice versa

If it was death of a sibling I would go to the school because thats out of my league

But block her in the meantime give some space

Thanks again - yes both parents and this is definitely a situation where a discussion could be had with the other parent (don't want to say non grieving because they are too). DD is happy to just not be able to be contacted for a few days and we will reassess after that.