12 months on and still broken

[User198724]

I lost both parents within 3 months of each other last Christmas. Everyday I’m reliving the past, I feel like I let my parents down with every decision I made. I just feel incredibly overwhelmed and lonely.
Is there anything I can do to get through this? Time feels like it’s made things worse

I don't have any pearls of wisdom for you, I just wanted to comment as I noticed there are no replies yet. I am pretty sure that you didn't let them down in any way and they would not want you to be sad. Sending you a big hug

I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing both parents so close together is unimaginable.

I lost my mum 3 weeks ago, so my pain is just so raw.

I can't see a time where I'll feel better right now, but I know my mum wouldn't want me sad forever.

I lost my Mum in June due to cancer. She died a week after getting a terminal diagnosis which was quite a shock. I tried to carry on as normal up until the start of this year when everything just completely overwhelmed me and caused me to have a bit of a breakdown. I've now taken some time off work to focus on my grief and mental health. Thankfully work have been really supportive. I'd recommend speaking to the doctor who can can recommend grief councillors and other resources such as sleep hygiene and meditation. I wasn't into all this before but found it has really helped me to deal with my feelings. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my mum as she passed away in her sleep so wrote her a letter with all of the things that I wanted to say to her. I found this really therapeutic and may continue to write to her with all of the big things that I would normally tell her ( not sure if that's weird but the thought of it helps me) i won't ever show them to anyone else though.

So sorry for your loss xx

I’m so sorry for your losses, I can only imagine how painful it must be for you. Speak to your GP and see if some bereavement counselling is available for you.

Sorry for your loss of both your parents.
12 months is still early days to be dealing with such a loss.

I've just lost both parents within 2 months of each other. It's just awful isn't it. I just feel so sad and want to phone my Mum. I also feel guilty and feel we let them down. Massive hugs to you.

So sorry to hear this, it.must be so hard

Have you been able to talk to a counsellor, and have you tried medication? It made a lot of difference for my aunt after her son died - she wouldn't take any for a long time out of an idea that she needed to feel the grief, but it ultimately helped her a lot, sometimes you can get stuck and need support. Your parents would want support for you, and would never feel that you've let them down.

I’m so sorry OP.

I lost both my parents in their early 60s to cancer, 2 years apart. Both died around Christmas time. My children were infant school aged at the time.

I was tormented for years. Took antidepressants for a while and had some counselling. The most effective therapy was exercise.

A year is no time. In fact, yes, it does start to feel worse. People told me it’d take a year, 2 years, 5 years. No. It took a decade for other things to gradually filter into my life. I phrase it that way because there is no recover, closure, moving past. It’s just time moving on and other things falling in around the hole the grief leaves in your life.

I still think of them every day. I loved them dearly, they were very supportive and encouraging and it took me a long time to learn to rely on myself for the support and encouragement that I used to turn to them for. I had to learn to take command of the bridge on the ship that they could no longer captain.

You never stop missing them but I can promise you that it won’t always be as raw and distressing as it is now. I still turn to them in my head for advise at times and live my life in their honour. Recent events in my life have meant that I’ve needed to call on their guidance and strength a lot and be very strong and resilient as they would want me to be. In that respect they never leave you.

It’s amazing how many people are in this same scenario. Losing both parents so close together is just so unimaginable for a lot of people that it can tend to feel like I’m the only one in this situation. Thanks everyone for your kind words, this is not a group I wanted to be in but it gives me faith that I’m not alone!