Hi all, lost my beloved grandfather nearly a year ago. His death was pretty sudden and he wasn’t particularly elderly. He was a young grandad to me and we did so much together and I never had my bio dad around. We were so close. I lived with them for the first few years of my life.
I miss him dearly. But when he died it was never the floods of years I expected. I did cry but not that much. Others around me were sobbing and I just couldn’t. I struggle with my emotions.
After the funeral, I honestly don’t think I had time to grieve. Juggling family life etc. Then come along lockdown 1 not long after and honestly the kids kept me so busy I didn’t have time to sit and think. I was never alone either during lockdown so never got lost in my own thoughts.
I think I shut off my feelings and ‘got on with it’ and kept myself busy which wasn’t the best thing to do.
But I’m feel god awful at the minute. Feeling worse than I have done for a while. Breaking out in tears all the time.
But I feel awful! Why? Feeling guilt that I never really cried when he died but it’s all coming out now nearly a year later!
Feeling guilty I didn’t say goodbye to him. I seen him w couple days before and if I knew..
I hadn’t seen much for a few weeks prior to that visit as dc had been very poorly (makes you think was it covid) on and off for a month and I stayed away now wanting to pass anything on. Self isolation wasn’t a thing at that point. But I hadn’t seen him much. Usually we’d visit at least once a week but I hadn’t been 😭 I thought we had lots more time.
Feeling guilty I wasn’t a good enough granddaughter.
Is this abnormal?