splitting up

[hazygirl]

i have just been to portsmouth to stay with close friends had a wonderful time got home and dd and ddp have split up he says she miserable and selfish cow since son died she says he prefers pub than coming home to family im gutted they have been through so much should i butt out or wot help i need advice

Oh hazygirl, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Trauma and bereavement seem to affect men and women very differently. Men are more likely to internalise things and bottle them up, I think.

Since your gs died it could be that she's been focused on dealing with her grief by concentrating on her pregnancy and now the new baby, and he may think his feelings have been sidelined a bit?

Have they had any counselling? If they'd be willing to have bereavement/relationship counselling it could help.

It must be a terribly difficult time for them both with your new gd being so young, they must be exhausted and anxious about her.

Do you live close to your DD, so you can offer lots of practical support in terms of helping out with the baby?

Does she use MN? It may be that she would benefit from joining and chatting to people who've had similar experiences.

Oh no hazygirl after everything they've been through... and they've just had a little girl, haven't they?

I agree with Coco, some sort of counselling might help - losing Jayden must have had a massive impact on their relationship, maybe he is feeling (needlessly) guilty, who know...

I think - be there to support her as ever; have a word with FSID, I know your DD did the CONI program, maybe they can help with this as well; and yes, maybe get her to come and here for some more support?

i do support dd as much as i can ,i feel quite bad its the first time my partner and i have been away in 26 years just us and come back to this

Oh hey you can't blame yourself, it's not your fault.

It's absolutely not your fault at all! You have been grieving for your gs, and shared the stress of the pregnancy - you 100% deserve to have a break with your partner.

What do you think of your daughter's dp? Has HE been supportive and understanding up until this point? Does your dd still love him?

at the moment he seems to b liking drink too much but he says im just anti drink ,but my dad went through a bad time with drink put me off and worked with alcoholics for a bit then my son ended up in hospital with drink related probs so maybe i am, today dd got three kids up and bathed ,took two to school ,we took her shopping brought her back at half one ,he came back last nite went to bed with hangover ,not got up for work and he still isnt up, i have a lot of time for him but hes getting me down at moment

He sounds like he's depressed. Would he see his GP?