Mum blaming herself for dad’s fatal heart attack

[CurrentWife]

Gosh this is a tough one...

Dad had a history of heart problems but had been well for a couple of years. Up to date with all check ups that went ahead despite Covid.

But last month they had words one evening and he was furious.

The next day he went out still stewing, and within minutes of leaving the house he had a massive heart attack and died.

Mum is blaming herself because of the argument the night before.

Thing is they often had rows.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Thank you xx

Perfectly normal stage of grief.
There’s a pattern of stages people through in a normal grieving process. The first two stages are denial and anger.
Then comes a stage called bargaining. This is where there is a feeling of helplessness which can cause us to react in protest by bargaining, which gives us a perceived sense of control over something that feels so out of control. While bargaining p, we also tend to focus on our personal faults or regrets. We might look back at our interactions with the person we are losing and note all of the times we felt disconnected or may have caused them pain.

It passes with time. Google Kubler Ross to understand better. It takes time to get to acceptance. Grieving is best allowed to run its course to reach a better place. Giving love, support, patience and allowing reminiscing is good.

I think it's normal.

My DP died of a heart attack in November. He'd been complaining of heartburn/indigestion for a few weeks beforehand and I've been doing a lot of self-blame for the fact that I didn't make him go to the doctor. I suggested it a few times, but I didn't get very emphatic about it.

If he had, the doc might just have spotted that he had heart problems, and caught it in time for a stent in his coronary artery to prevent it.

But I also blame him. If he hadn't been such a baby every time he got an attack of sinusitis or a backache, I might have taken it more seriously, been more forceful and insisted that he bloody well went.