Husband and his father’s death

[SussexPup]

I’ve not been there so I know I don’t really understand (though it cannot be far away). My FIL died 3 months ago, my husband has been completely disengaged ever since. We have been out of the house together 3 times since we came back from the funeral, and I have taken care of everything in the home (food, dogs, Christmas, cleaning plus working full time) He is retired. He has sat on the sofa. He will not let me call anyone to help. He has a monstrous tooth ache at the moment but refused the dentist appointment I made. Any suggestions of talking to the GP are rejected. I have not been perfect, I have lost it and shouted which I am not proud of, but I am at my wits end. Is this normal? For others who have lost a parent, do I sit it out, or can I help, and if so what do I do to bring him back to mr?

Given that your husband is retired, his father must have been well advanced in years. Do you think he's facing up to his own mortality rather than his father's? When parents die, you lose that buffer and have to face that you're the older generation.
Which doesn't help you deal with it!

I agree it seems excessive - trouble is, there's not much 'normal' to get back to right now!

Was he particularly close to his dad? Was his death unexpected?

Was he able to say goodbye? Did they have a good relationship?

If his tooth is infected he really does need to see the dentist as that will be making everything even worse. Could he be convinced to go?

He sounds depressed.
It doesn't sound like (normal) grieving.
I've lost both parents and a child and didn't act like this.
It sounds like a nightmare for you. Maybe, you need to shout louder.

Thank you all, really just ranting. Fil was 89, their relationship was up and down, but they had not talked for about 2 years prior to his death. We were able to go down, and DH was able to say goodbye. So yes guilt is in there and depression. Will keep chipping away... and walking the dogs (poor things get an awful lot of one sided conversation from me!j.

Good luck @SussexPup

I dont think its normal, grief for your parents can be intense but he sounds depressed.
Losing a parent does feel different to other types of grief, it can make you assess your own mortality as you become the oldest generation.
Obviously lockdown and being retired will make things difficult, less distractions. I would suggest he goes to GP and/or contacts cruse.