My friend died

[MissMyPal]

She was in her late 30s and had cancer. By the time it was found it was stage 4, but she lived another couple of years. She was very optimistic/upbeat (and keen to chat about other things, understandably) so though looking back it's clear she was slowly heading downhill it seemed to come about really fast.

This was a couple of months ago and I still feel really hit hard by it. We weren't super super close, but quite close, and she was such a lovely person. I just can't believe she's gone.

It's the first time I've lost someone my age (I'm lucky to be able to say that I know) and that's had a big effect on me too (which feels selfish as this should be about her) - I feel like my own life (and that of my friends and DH and sibling) is a lot more perilous now. My friend never thought this would happen to her at the age it did, but it did.

Thanks for listening. I have been talking about her "in real life" too but feel like I go round in circles/repeat stuff which maybe isn't fair on the listener!

Sorry to hear about your friend

So sorry to hear you lost your friend. Cancer is horrible.

Be kind to yourself.

That’s awful op, just awful.
I don’t agree that it’s selfish to feel the way that you do, I think it’s natural.
It brings to the fore how delicate life is, here one minute then gone the next, it’s that simple.

I had a horrific tragedy happen in my life, to someone I know well, it was 2 years ago, never will I ever ever recover from it, but I don’t make excuses for it, I feel how I feel and for as long as it takes.

Take time to think about her, very upsetting, I feel for you xx

So sorry for the loss of your friend.

So sorry for the loss of your friend, MissMyPal.

No, your feelings aren't out of order, as it were.

Though my father died first, it was the death of my brother, entirely expected, and not sudden, though untimely, that transformed the way I see the world, and it has not changed.

Thank you everyone. It's intetesting to read that other people have felt a similar shift in worldview when losing someone. I find it quite hatd to articulate exactly how I feel but I think you get it.

I've been taking time to think about my friend too, lookimg through photos and things. One small comfort is that in their first year after her diagnosis, treatment side effects aside, she had a great time - she left her job which she didn't enjoy, spent all her money and generally seemed not to give a fuck in the best way! So I hold onto memories of those times.

Sorry for your loss. I've recently lost a friend and a family member and it really does give you a different perspective on life. It can happen to any of us. We must allow ourselves time to grieve the person and the relationship that has gone, and also to grieve the optimistic view of life we can lose in this situation. Take care of yourself and embrace what you have left x