How to support DP & DCs

[findyourbacon]

FIL has been living with cancer for the last 7 years, and since April of this year, has been taken off his treatment. He has deteriorated rapidly in the last month or so, and we think he only has a few days left.

My DP is heartbroken and I think will really struggle when he dies. We also have 2 DC - 13 & 9 who I think will take it really badly. It will the first death in the family of someone close to them.

How can I support them all through it? It’s going to be tough, and I want to do what I can to ease the pain.
Thank you

The best thing for your dp is to take his lead in how you support him, be there to listen if he wants to talk, let him have time alone if he wants it, just do the normal things if he wants as well. Your dc need telling now that grandad is very poorly & that you don't think he will get better, let them send him cards or letters & maybe speak to him on the phone if he can manage it. When the end does come tell them in the best way you can, I know when my dad passed away my ds had made me promise that if it happened when he was at school that I would go & collect him no matter what time it was, on the day I rang his head of year & explained & arranged with her I would pick him up at break, she sent him on a errand to the office & I was waiting for him, we sat in the car & talked for a bit & then we went to join the rest of the family at my mum's. He was very quiet while we were there & when we got home he burst in to tears & we both had time when we needed hugs & to talk about my dad. He had the next day off school as he didn't feel ready to see anyone & started back at school after the weekend. He wrote a card for my dad to take with him & a photograph of them both together which I had copied & he now has it in a frame next to his bed. He came to the funeral & the wake afterwards.

@Nat6999
Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.

I don’t think the kids will be allowed at the funeral due to COVID/numbers etc - but I think they’ll be very disappointed not to be able to go.

@findyourbacon my FIL passed away 2 weeks ago. DH has been up and down, but I told him at the beginning that I was there for him but needed him to communicate with me what he needed. That has helped, as sometimes he wants to be alone other times he can’t bear to be alone. Sometimes he wants to be busy and other times he is emotionally drained and wants to do nothing. I encourage him to take the lead and tell what’s he needs. We have the funeral tomorrow and covid restrictions have complicated things which hasn’t helped at all

FIL passed away today. It’s been a rollercoaster of a day, and I know we have some dark times ahead.

Thanks to everyone who has responded and big hugs to everyone who is going through this.

Sorry for your loss
Speak to
www.winstonswish.org/supporting-you/supporting-a-bereaved-child/

I hope you, your dh & your dc are coping as much as you can, be led by your dh & dh in what support they want. I hope that your dc are able to attend the funeral if possible. Shout on here if you need any support yourself.

I’m sorry to hear that @findyourbacon we had fils funeral on xmas eve and it has been harder since then than before. DH has been up and down for a few days before in anticipation but I think grief has actually hit now. Sending you and your family lots of love

Hi I just came on here as our FIL died as well, DCs 12 and 15. for some advice. It seems 30 are allowed at the funeral. DCs seem fine but wonder if they are putting on a brave face. Got quite a lot of online work to do. DH pretty upset and supporting his mum a lot emotionally so he is out quite a lot there.

@Orangeblossom77777
Big hugs to you and your family.