Loss of mother

[Mumto2beautifulbabies]

Hi,

Mumsnet mums are sometimes up at silly o'clock so looking for some help.

I lost my mum 6 weeks ago, she was my best friend. She only got a short amount of time with my youngest and that hurts the most.
Her life was all about family, especially my kids (I'm an only child). I can't even put into words how much she loved us all.

So, when she first passed the first few days I cried non stop then I was actually OK, busy planning the funeral and taking care of the kids etc. I am on anti depressants so wondered if they were maybe helping but I also couldn't understand how I was managing it all so well.
Then the last 4 or 5 days I have really started to struggle. Thinking about her all the time, tears just roll with no control and I'm constantly questioning why. She had so much to live for and was so young.
I guess what I'm trying to find out...is this grief just hitting me now after all those weeks? If it is when does it get better? I know it never will as I will forever be angry that my beautiful mum was taken, but when will I be happy again? When will I stop feeling this awful pain and guilt.

Thank you ❤

I’m so sorry OP. Your mum sounds like an amazing woman and you have nothing to feel guilty about. I can’t tell you an exact time frame, but I promise you that it will get better. Everything you’re feeling is normal and it sounds like you have been so strong. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes - some days will be extremely hard and some days will be less hard.

Would it help you to plan something fun for you and the kids so you have something to keep you a little distracted? If you want to just be in bed, getting some cuddles, that’s ok too.

Sending you a big virtual hug

So sorry OP, I think grief is really complicated although I don't know personally but likely will within the next couple of years. I hope you get good advice and support here.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond.

Yes your maybe right, planning something for us and them ill give that a go.

I don't feel like I deserve to be doing nice things when she isn't involved even though I know she would be so angry at that.
Also when my father and my gran are hurting so much, I can't help myself so I'm struggling to help them, especially my father who just looks broken and like he has given up on life.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum when I was young, with young children and she too was all about family, children and was my best friend. She had just retired and her death was sudden and cruel.

It's awful isn't it x

25 years later it's no less awful, but it does get easier to live with. I think your emotions and behaviours are really normal tbh, and will carry on for some time.

Try not to think to far ahead and be gentle with yourself. This is a dreadful time for you.

Thinking of you.

Thank you ❤

I am so sorry for your loss as well, you just look around and wonder why don't you. Why someone who was such a caring person who had so much to live for and wanted to live for it all.

If you don't mind me asking was your father there at the time?

@Mumto2beautifulbabies I’m so sorry for your loss, I lost my mum at the end of October and although it was expected it was still a shock. I don’t know about you but I feel that I’m not old enough to be with out mum I’m not ready to cope with life without her watching my back. I am totally numb the odd tear escapes but that it. My friend has told me to allow time to grieve, hug and cry and talk about her a lot. It was my mums birthday last weekend that was hard but I just locked the door and watched crappy films all weekend. We shouldn’t have to put on a happy face. We should be given time and space to get over what is going to be one of the most awful things that is going to happen to you in your life. Love to you and your family at this terribly sad time X

Ladybird I am so sorry 😞

I know what you mean, I feel far too young not to have her! I still have my gran and I wanted my kids still to have my mum for that long.

Thats what I was like, the odd tear, until about 4-5 days ago. I am struggling with my dad as well, he's just so lost. He only has us as well.

Much love to you and all your family ❤

Hi, hope you managed some sleep..

Dad was heartbroken for the rest of his life really, until he died just last year. He managed to find some enjoyment in life.. grandchildren especially but it was always tinged with loss. So sad.

It's a strange world without parents.. they're your whole past.

Hope today is one of the better days x