Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Christmas- without family.

3 replies

triballeader · 09/12/2020 17:04

Last four years have not been fun. Looking after Mum to give Dad some time off when she developed a very aggresive form of stomach cancer. Sadly she lasted a for a pain wracked year. Dad collapsed on the overnight macmillan nurse and was taken to resus and ICU but died within 12 hours of being told mum had died. This year my brother finally managed to drink himself to death and b Covid has litrally killed off the remaining older members of my family. No extended family of cousins nor neices or nephews from brother thank God as that would have been horrible for any kids* . Mum was a sole child and my lovely dad's brothers were as self centred as my own brother - no woman would live with them let alone be crazy enough to have kids with them. So it is now just me and my twenty something kids left from my side of the family. Hubby still has both parents, siblings and neices and nephews so has not really got a clue how tough it will be this year to do anything with his family.

Christmas this year - looking for gentle ideas that could help create some new traditions and ways to remember as mum and dad loved the whole season as did my brother before his drinking took over all those years ago.

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 09/12/2020 17:10

I'm sorry for your losses, OP. I had a tricky Christmas when I had the in laws staying while my dad was terminal elsewhere. It was hard.

Things that I have done since- an ornament on the tree that is a photo of him.
Reusing family ornaments that we've had from childhood.
Perhaps raising a toast to those who are not with us at one -or all- of the significant family meals.

Thanks
BiddyPop · 09/12/2020 17:36

Part of what we do every year on Christmas Eve is the youngest lights the Christmas candle as part of the Irish tradition (to leave a candle in the window to show there is room in our Inn for any weary travellers even if there wasn't in Bethlehem - we put ours on the mantlepiece).

Once it is lit, we take a few minutes, as a family, to remember the good and bad of the year just finishing, and to remember those in the family who have died.

We follow it with pulling out of the Christmas Eve hamper of new pjs, bath bombs, hot chocolate, old santa plate and glass, etc. Sending DD off for a relaxing bath, new pjs, cup of hot chocolate snuggled together and (well I used to read Twas the Night before Christmas but teenagers don't want bedtime stories anymore - but she does bring it up with her when she thinks I'm not watching).

What I mean is that it is a quiet interlude for us as we are starting the annual slowdown, to take time to think of others, but also link it to the season and follow it with some quiet but nice family traditions. With older DCs/adults, it could be followed by a good movie, boardgame, going out to meet friends.....just giving yourself permission to have that small time out and remembering is good. And I think the lighting of the candle is a symbolic thing in its own right, and can also be a comfort in its mellow dancing light.

merrygoround51 · 09/12/2020 17:40

I think you need to let go of traditions this year and just say this is the year for something totally different. Traditions are special because they are traditional, new ones will never feel the same so for this 1st year just do what you fancy

Another thread is talking about an Indian on Christmas Day. If I was recently bereaved with older DC I would consider this

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread