Wedding Rings

[ewan35]

Hello,

Looking for advice. I lost my wife 8 weeks ago after a 5 year battle with cancer. I have 2 daughters aged 5 & 9.

There is a lot of feelings going on but the main one is about my wedding ring.

I miss my soul mate more than anything but I don't feel married anymore.
I'm told this is normal.

Any thoughts

Everyone's grief and experience is unique, OP. Do you feel like you don't want to wear your wedding ring anymore? Do whatever feels right for you.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for your daughters' loss.

I'm a widow and I wear my wedding and engagement rings on my right hand. And my hisbands wedding ring on my thumb of my left. I feel he is with me, but I am not married anymore. It was a few years though before I switched the rings over.

It's your grief and you don't have to justify it to anyone.

If you don't want to wear your rings anymore could you have yours and your wife's made into a ring each for your children?

I would say don't make any big decisions for a year at least - grief changes with time and how you feel now maybe alien to you in a while.
It may not.

Nothing is wrong with however you feel and modelling that for your daughters would be a gift to them at this time.

Hello all,

Thanks for your messages. I'm struggling because we have battled things for so long and with covid the grief may have been Forced upon me. I just feel alone and my ring on my left hand is strange. There is so much to sort out and such a wrong time of year.

Very sorry that you've had to go through this.

I expect you've already been pointed at them but just in case, the organisation WAY (widowed and young) are people who've gone through the same thing. A friend lost his wife - they had a toddler - ten years ago and they really helped him.

Thank you so much. I've registered with them. Hopefully will help

Didn't want to read and run.
I wish you all the best for the future with your kids. I hope you find peace.
Do what feels right for you. If it means removing the ring now and revisit in a few years, so be it

@feministbias

I would say don't make any big decisions for a year at least - grief changes with time and how you feel now maybe alien to you in a while. It may not.

Nothing is wrong with however you feel and modelling that for your daughters would be a gift to them at this time.

Thanks. I've read about the 1 Year thing but if I'm honest I don't understand the 1 year barrier.

I switched my wedding ring to my right hand immediately after the funeral. I was told it was best to do it then rather than decide a separate day.
24 years on still wearing it.

Most of my friends stopped wearing them or put them on the other hand, I would keep them safe for your kids though

As a pp said, grief is very personal. Totally do what you feel is right for you.
Many folk will switch rings to their right hand, but, because that is commonly done, doesn't mean it is right for you.

My wife died 5 months ago and I've carried on wearing my wedding ring because I'm still married to her as far as I'm concerned. That's how I feel at the moment. Kind of crazy- I know she has gone but I don't accept it.

Joystir59 I don't think it's crazy because I feel the same, even after many years. However I choose to wear DH's wedding ring as it makes us feel closer and I know he would approve anyway.

Other people find it strange but most of them have been in unhappy marriages so have a completely different viewpoint, whereas we were in love from the first day we met and I think that's where the major difference lies.

OP do whatever is right for you...we are all different. Once you've been through all the first anniversaries you might settle better, it's been a huge upheaval in your life and still very early days for you.

What I dislike is the 'good advice' from people who've never been through the death of their loved one, how could they possibly know what we go through?

Look after yourself as your girls need you more now than they ever did in the past.

Hello Everyone.

I really do appreciate you all taking the time to reply. It's been a tough topic to raise for me but the replies have all been great.

I guess the difference with me and my wife is we knew the day was coming and as much planning we may have done the last 8 weeks have been devastating. Strange feelings of knowing she's not there anymore. The kids have been brilliant and we are all getting on fine enough.

The ring question was a tough one as i'm not legally married anymore but I have an everlasting attachment (the kids and I call
It the invisible string) it'll always be there as a connection.

The ring is still firmly on but I've switched it over to see how it feels.

Thanks a million

@ewan35 the 1year thing is because it takes 1 year for you to encounter all the ‘firsts’ (anniversary, birthday, mother’s day, Christmas etc)