Tonight I am drowning

[itsaldramarama]

I lost my partner of 28 years early Oct after a shock diagnosis of acute myeloid leukaemia he was fit and well before the last week In July , spent 6 weeks in hospital but no treatment worked and he came home mid sept knowing it was inevitable , why is it becoming more difficult? It comes in waves but tonight I am drowning, i I can't stop the tears flowing
I made my son, who turned 13 two days after his dad died a memory box, and gave him it tonight , a photo book , his dads watch, nursing pin/ social worker degree, favourite book, old phone we charged up with amazing photos and other personal effects, we have cried and laughed but I feel so emotional and guilty I upset him , my son has been my rock the last few weeks , sorry
I'm
Just rambling but feel so sad , I'm dreading Christmas but hopefully we will get through it together

Aww sweetheart. I guess the shock gets you through the first part and then once you start processing what has happened the enormity of it hits.

You are doing a lovely thing by keeping his memory alive and allowing your DS the space to talk and grieve without feeling the need to bottle it all up.

Much love to you both xxxx

I'm so sorry you're going through this

I found posting helped to keep me sane after MrW died. There are lots of lovely people on here so ramble away.

Sending love and comfort your way xxx

I also lost my darling Husband this year.

Your grief is so raw at the moment. Seems like the rest of the world is carrying on and yet yours has ended.

You have to just take every minute by minute.

Message me whenever you want xx

It’s ok to cry. Let it happen. It’s part of the grieving process. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since he died.

If you have no one to talk to in real life tonight, you can contact the Samaritans or there’s someone around on MN 24/7 if you want to talk here?

www.samaritans.org/

I am so sorry to read about your loss of your lovely DP. I think that by grieving with your son you have given him the opportunity to know that you both share the feelings of loss and that it is right to feel extremely sad at such a huge loss. People can try to hide these things from children and not provide them an opportunity to process their grief. Also even though you are both sad, you have taught him that you are not going through this experience alone because you both have each other to share it with.

It was so lovely of you to prioritise making the memory box for your son in the midst your own recent grief. He will appreciate it forever.

Don;t feel guilty, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You are showing your son it is OK to be human. Much love to you, tonight and over the coming weeks, months and years.

It's not you that upset him, it's losing his dad that upset him. It's not your fault and it's good that he can cry with you and share those feelings, although I appreciate it's still gutwrenching.

I am really sorry for your loss and what you're going through.

Thank you , hopefully today is easier

Morning OP, the memory box is such a lovely idea, when my mum died I pushed all of her things away, I thought I could cheat grief by ignoring or avoiding it! A friend quietly did a box for me, my lord I am so glad they did! I used to look through it and sob, now I look and smile and even better my little DC love looking at it with me!

The pain is so raw now, but it will soften in to something else in time which will allow you to smile at the memories rather than wince, and I say this as someone who could not have loved their mum more and thought they would die if ever she did. When time allows, and it will do, enjoy your life OP.

I am so so sorry for your loss

How has your day been OP? Thinking of you xx

I'm about 4 weeks behind you in the grieving process, OP (DP died on 2nd November). To me, it seems to vary daily, sometimes even several times a day.

I've had 2 really bad days in a row, and feel a bit better today. I haven't actually had a good cry yet, I'll weep a bit but my tears seem to dry up after a couple of minutes.

I feel like I need a really good cry, where I can sob and weep for hours, but it just won't come.

Hope you're feeling better today.

So sorry. It's really early days, it's a long road. I'm not saying that to make you feel worse, I promise, but don't expect too much of yourself. If you're getting up in the morning and managing to do anything, then you're doing well. Every emotion in the world is normal at the moment, there will be days you can vaguely function then others when it's completely overwhelming.