How do you get a non bereaved partner to understand?

[MrsGrindah]

Here I go again..the run up to Christmas is really hard. Lost both parents less than five years ago. The grief changes over time but it’s always there. I just wish DH was more understanding. Both his parents are going strong . Although he’s not as close as I was to mine.

The thing is he just doesn’t seem to understand at all. When I tell him I’m upset over something that is particularly triggering he acts really surprised. If I say I’m really missing them for some reason he just says “Oh dear “ .

I know he can’t understand completely but I’m hurt that he just brushes it aside. I wondered if anyone else has had this and if so did you get your partner to understand?

I honestly think people who haven't experienced grief don't get how timeless and bumpy it is, I know I didn't until I went through it, and am still going through it, many years after the event.

When I say 'oh dear', that's because I see the sadness but don't know what else to say, so I'm guessing that's the same for your partner? How about suggesting to him that he hold your hand when you're sad, rather than try and think of the right thing to say? Maybe he'd find that easier? Would that be enough support for you, OP? We all get so caught up in words, but there really are no words, sometimes.