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Bereavement

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Unsupportive Spouse

8 replies

PS78 · 14/11/2020 12:17

Sorry if this is a long one but I've given up talking to friends and spouse about how I feel. I don't want to keep bothering friends and I can't trust my spouse with my feelings.

I suppose this has been going on our whole relationship but recently its gotten worse. I lost a very close relative 3 years ago, I never got to say goodbye because the people he was living with by their own admission decided they wanted him all to themselves for his last few weeks and didn't tell me he was dying until it was too late. Because of this I try not to be angry with them, because my relative wouldn't want me to be, but its hard. When I tried to explain this to spouse he told me that my grief embarrassed him. So we had an argument and he now won't speak to me and is playing the victim and acting hard done by threatening to divorce and never see our son again.
Recently, I started driving and I'm trying really hard but when he's in the car he just shouts at me and puts me on edge then shouts more when I get nervous. I really want to learn and theres no one else that can be in the car with me. I've tried telling him his attitude causes me more stress, learning to drive is stressful enough, but he keeps saying his way is the right way. It's gotten to the point now that I don't want to get behind the wheel because why would I put myself through that. It got so bad one day he just shouted and shouted until I was a shaking wreck and had to stop at a roundabout and get out of the car.
I worry about our son witnessing these behaviours, its not fair on him. Might I add he doesn't work, he's a stay at home dad atm, but he didn't work before that either, always an excuse (got pregnant through contraception failure btw). I work 14-16 hour days in a very stressful job, so I stress there, I stress at home, I stress about opening my mouth with an opinion, I stress about telling him my feelings. Lately more and more I feel alone and isolated and pretend to my friends everything is ok but inside I just want to scream the hurt away, but I don't because I can't. Sorry for long post.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 14/11/2020 12:21

You have two seperate issues here. The grief ( which you should approach your GP about therapy) and the awful husband ( which you can talk to your friends about or post on AIBU here about how to leave him).

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2020 12:26

Your husband is an abusive, vile cocklodger. Get rid of him. You will be amazed at how much your life will improve.

PS78 · 14/11/2020 14:11

@Aquamarine1029

Your husband is an abusive, vile cocklodger. Get rid of him. You will be amazed at how much your life will improve.
Yeah he's just texted my family to tell them I'm a miserable, frigid cunt. So angry that's crossing a line
OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 14/11/2020 21:11

Can you text his family and say “ he’s just called me a miserable frigid c to my family, I think it’s time you knew what he was like to me before I leave him. Are you aware he screams at me for tiny things and does f all to help around the house. Don’t worry you can all still see my child when you want, it’s him that will need to arrange contact”

PS78 · 14/11/2020 21:44

@LouiseTrees

Can you text his family and say “ he’s just called me a miserable frigid c to my family, I think it’s time you knew what he was like to me before I leave him. Are you aware he screams at me for tiny things and does f all to help around the house. Don’t worry you can all still see my child when you want, it’s him that will need to arrange contact”
He doesn't speak to any of his family. He has literally no one but me
OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 14/11/2020 23:36

Hhmmm I wonder why? On all honesty though you deserve better

echt · 15/11/2020 02:23

Jesus. I've read your update. He's a horrible horrible person.

He doesn't speak to any of his family. He has literally no one but me

And yet he treats you like shit.

With the greatest respect this is not about bereavement, though I see it has given you the impetus.Get this moved to Relationships where you will get lots of helpful advice, i.e. LTB.

Many many Thanks

Aquamarine1029 · 15/11/2020 04:23

He has literally no one but me

Gee, I wonder why? Hmm

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