Sorry if this is a long one but I've given up talking to friends and spouse about how I feel. I don't want to keep bothering friends and I can't trust my spouse with my feelings.
I suppose this has been going on our whole relationship but recently its gotten worse. I lost a very close relative 3 years ago, I never got to say goodbye because the people he was living with by their own admission decided they wanted him all to themselves for his last few weeks and didn't tell me he was dying until it was too late. Because of this I try not to be angry with them, because my relative wouldn't want me to be, but its hard. When I tried to explain this to spouse he told me that my grief embarrassed him. So we had an argument and he now won't speak to me and is playing the victim and acting hard done by threatening to divorce and never see our son again.
Recently, I started driving and I'm trying really hard but when he's in the car he just shouts at me and puts me on edge then shouts more when I get nervous. I really want to learn and theres no one else that can be in the car with me. I've tried telling him his attitude causes me more stress, learning to drive is stressful enough, but he keeps saying his way is the right way. It's gotten to the point now that I don't want to get behind the wheel because why would I put myself through that. It got so bad one day he just shouted and shouted until I was a shaking wreck and had to stop at a roundabout and get out of the car.
I worry about our son witnessing these behaviours, its not fair on him. Might I add he doesn't work, he's a stay at home dad atm, but he didn't work before that either, always an excuse (got pregnant through contraception failure btw). I work 14-16 hour days in a very stressful job, so I stress there, I stress at home, I stress about opening my mouth with an opinion, I stress about telling him my feelings. Lately more and more I feel alone and isolated and pretend to my friends everything is ok but inside I just want to scream the hurt away, but I don't because I can't. Sorry for long post.