Chapel of rest

[GINGE6491]

I have recently lost my grandad who I was very close to and so were my 2 children. (12,9) they have asked me if they can go and see him at the chapel of rest as they never got to see him for 3 months due to visiting restrictions at the hospital. I’m kind of torn as what to do? I don’t want to say no and have that held against me and I do t want to let them go and be extremely upset and scared of the experience. Any advice would be great!

If they want to go at that age I would let them as the fallout from it not going well is better than them feeling they've been denied. I would ask the undertaker to have a chat about what they will see and they may change their mind. I was planning to see my father but after the undertaker explained very gently what the body would look like I decided not to. They may change their minds or at least be prepared for what changes will have happened since he died.

I’d go and see him yourself first and then make the decision . I saw my dad in the Chapel of Rest , he died very suddenly aged 51 , that was 30 yrs ago this week and I still regret it .

Sorry for your families loss. I think this would be a very distressing thing for anyone, did you see him via video call or when you knew he was passing away? Just he probably deteriorated alot in those three months and if you havnt seen that deterioration plus the changes that happen after passing away might make it a very hard situation for little minds to process. I think if you have time or there are services near you where they can properly prepare the children and support them to make a decision that would be the ideal situation. Failing that I'm afraid I would err on the side of not seeing him and ask the funeral director to have a chat and explain why so that the onus isn't on you. Maybe offer a picture/photograph/handprint/piece of jewellery instead.
My husband and his sister saw their father and it has really affected them both psychologically (he was 24 at the time) so preparation and ongoing support will be essential xxxx

If they have asked then I'd bring them along to say their goodbyes. I'm in Ireland so would often go to funerals and see people laid out. It can really help to bring closure as you do get to say goodbye to the actual person if that makes sense . Go yourself beforehand and see how he looks. My own mother in law had been very unwell for several years before her death and she looked so peaceful when she was laid out it really helped my husband and his sister as she looked so at peace. I am so sorry for your loss

Thank you for all the comments. The funeral director is actually my mother-in-law’s business. So I’ve been very fortunate myself to be able to go and see him regular. I was Also with him when he passed. He looks very peaceful and not a deal different to he has ever looked. I’m going to take the kids down and see how they feel. Thankyou for all the help! I’ve found this a really big decision x

My son lost his grandfather quite sudden last week, we have been noticing odd behaviour that is out of character the most recent being a exclusion from school ( never ever has he been told off let alone in any kind of trouble at school) very out of character! Yesterday we all as a family attended the funeral. Today he has been in his room under punishment for bad behaviour at school and has now decided to tell me he thinks he is gay? I have told him it doesn’t matter what he is, I will stand by him but He is 12 years old. I’m so confused. Any advice would be great.