Everyone's way of grieving is different. Dh didn't grieve properly for his df as his DM monopolised the 'loss'. Everyone thought she would die first, but he died in 1980, she in 1993.
There are recognised stages, their lengths are not equal people spend longer in stages than others. Watch out for the well-meaning that say brightly 'you' ll get over it'. Ime you don't, you learn to live with it.
I found, and people I know have found, that, rather than the sense of loss reducing, it was the time spent feeling the loss, and the time between such feelings. Quite a shock at first maybe 2 years down the line when for say 5 minutes it hurt just as much as it did, say the days after funeral.
My father died in 1987, I was 30. Had he lived until my birthday 6 weeks later I'd have started to hope he'd recover from the strokes that killed him because dh was 30 when his df died. Doesn't make sense, but that's how it felt. DM hated him, so didn't grieve, dh never forgave him for not telling him to use his Christian name, so didn't really grieve and blamed df for their lack of closeness. Even 3 years ago when we separated he was still ranting. So, as an only child next oldest cousin nearly 20 years older I grieved alone. It's tough.
Sounds daft, but write to him. If you feel there are things left unsaid, write them in a letter. Then burn them so they remain private. Buy a really nice book, thinking paperblanks, or moleskin. I like the paperblanks diaries with magnetic fold over flaps to close. With a lovely 'snap'. You could date the entries, and looking back would show how much progress you've made.
Just me, just examples. Sort of grief journal I suppose. Others have spoken about bereavement counselling. Worth thinking about. Even finding a freephone no that has a recording that you can talk to. Would've suggested the speaking clock, but it's no longer free, so that's out.
My occupation has a benevolent association. They are at the end of a phone 24/7 freephone no. For members and family. Maybe yours does, too.
I'm 64, he never knew I changed career at 34, finally having considered it at 26 but bottling out. Very much in line with his first proper job after 2 years in the post room as a trial period. Showed me I was really his dd and not my mother's. Never knew about or met dd.
Funny, just remembered. I took him a half-pound block of chocolate in hospital. When he died, I took DM to register the death, and to collect his things. Some thieving git had nicked the chocolate. He'd had less than 2 squares, poor bugger.
Good luck, op, if you need to talk you can pm me, I'd be happy to try to help.
Take care of yourself.