Nearly 11years and still struggling.

[Nemma96]

its nearly been 11years since my dad passed and I still find it hard.

I was only 13 when he died and I was in the house and found him. I just keep thinking there was more i could have done, if I went down stairs when I heard that noise i could have saved him. He will still be here. He would be able to be a grandad to my son, he would be able to be here for me.

I miss him so much, everything I know now that I didnt know then could have saved him... why couldn't I of saved him and kept him here..

Normally I would drink when I start to feel like this but I no longer drink and these thoughts and flashbacks of the day he passed are not leaving me.. how can I get rid of this guilt that I'm feeling for not being able to save my dad

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling.

13 is a very young age to lose your dad but please know there is nothing to feel guilty for. You might not have been able to save him anyway, you need to forgive yourself. Have you had any counselling.

He wouldn't want you to live with guilt, I am sure he would want you to go forward and live and wonderful life.

Big hugs xx

@Dozycuntlaters I know there is very little chance I could have saved my dad through CPR but I just wish I told him I wanted him to go to hospital (he would of done this if I had asked).

So much happened that day and I was around to help, I know really i was young and should not let guilt build up but it does. I've done counselling a few times throughout the years but I dont think I've ever actually spoke about the day and what actually happen or my guilt. I just use to drink alot when I felt like this and would get over it.

I think i may need to look into counselling again as I cant feel like this and like you said my dad would want me to have a happy life.

Have a look into EMDR which helps re process memories

I completely understand how you feel OP. I also lost my dad in my early teens, very suddenly, almost thirty years ago, and I still think of him every day, and the sadness I feel that he never got to see me grow up, or meet his grandchildren, will always be with me. If you feel ready to talk about it again with a counsellor it could really help you. It definitely helped me - it will never be 'ok' that he died, but I no longer feel guilty (that I wasn't able to save him somehow). I also remember a counsellor telling me that even though he died, the connection I had with him is still very much alive, through my memories and momentos, and through his grandchildren. That really helped me to not see his death as just one big ending, if that makes sense.

We lost our dad at a relatively young age too, and my siblings and I still miss him too

I think your very young age and finding him are difficult: I know other families where the grief has gone on for a long time, counselling helps. It’s unlikely you would have been able to save him, and your dad lives on through you and your son

My dad wanted his kids to be happy, and absolutely no doubt your dad did too: I hope you can find counselling to get through this, it helped me hugely xxx

Similar situation here. Only 30+ years ago and I was a few years younger.

It doesn’t get any easier. Or it hasn’t for me. Back then CPR wasn’t a thing, I wouldn’t have known where to begin. It still haunts me though that I panicked and ran for a neighbour rather than rang for an ambulance.

To make matters worse the following term my school ran a first aid/CPR course for us all. Didn’t occur to me at the time that they probably did it because of what I went through, but it just made me more aware of what I didn’t do that I could have. And of course there are now defibs etc and I still wonder what if.

My advice would be to get counselling. I never had any, in fact it was barely spoken of.

@bluebluezoo : very sad story too, I hope you can get some help as it does make it easier

In my case: first 2 years after were awful, next 5 or so not great TBH but was really grieving, now I really do feel have come to terms: counselling and talking to family are what helped, mostly the counselling . Carrying around sadness every day is no way to live and not what I’d want for my family

It’s very hard, especially if both you and parent you’ve lost are young x