DC at funeral

[Westerngate]

My FIL has died and my DC were very close to him. DD (8) now doesn't want to talk about it at all. DS (6) wants to talk about his grandpa dying a lot.

I'm trying to manage this as best as I can but the question of the funeral has now come up. All the advice online is that DC this age should be given a choice as to attend. But I know my DC will make different choices which will be logistically very difficult to accommodate as its abroad and we don't have a support network there beyond who will be at the funeral.

What would you do?

Could the child who won't want to go stay in your country with your parents?

In normal circumstances, I would've said take them both.
However, I attended a funeral last week, with covid restrictions an already stressful and sad event is made even more so.
With children attending too it would be pretty chaotic.

This is such a difficult one.

I do think that even at 6, your DC should be allowed to say they want to come. Equally, your older DC should be allowed to say they don't want to.

Could she stay with a school friend for two nights while you go?

Thanks. It is a tricky one.

Lots of offers for DD to stay here with friends so that's an option, but I do wonder if she will regret in future and feel left out of an important family event. Not that it should matter to her own personal feelings about it, but the other children around her age in the family are all attending. Not sure how to handle this one.

It depends who is at the funeral itself - if there is someone who would be Ok with taking DD out to a park or something for the funeral then she doesn't have to decide right now (and can take part in the wider gathering, well, whatever can happen within the current rules).

Have you checked why she doesn't want to go ? I know I had all sorts of misconceptions and worries about funerals as a kid. e.g. American funerals in movies often have open coffins or chapel of rest visits but here in the UK, while both sometimes happen, it's not usual (depends on culture obvs).

Thank you @GreenRoadSigns.

We've talked her through the funeral in detail so I don't think there are any misconceptions there. I think we have decided to travel there together, but for me to keep a close eye on DD particularly. I have told her we will step out if we need to. I hope it is the right thing to do.