Lost my mum whilst I'm pregnant

[biscuit13]

It was back in April, my mum had lung cancer which she had been managing with chemo for 3.5 years. We were incredibly close, I changed my working hours so I could visit and spend the morning with her twice a week. But when it happened it felt like a huge shock, I had spoken to her the day before and we both said speak tomorrow, and she passed at home the following morning. I didnt get to say goodbye.

I was 9 weeks pregnant, we had told our parents 2 weeks before. Im 32 weeks now and I've really struggled with not having her support during the pregnancy. We would always talk excitedly about when I'd have a baby and she was so excited when we told them. And then it all got taken away.

Im starting counselling on Monday, I dont know if it will help, because I still cant talk or even thibk about mum without getting upset and crying. I just want to be as strong as possible when our baby comes. Im scared.

I suppose I just need to let it out and hear from other people that have maybe sadly experienced the same. At the moment I cant see a way through it.

I was similar to you although my mum died about 4 weeks before I gave birth. I did have that experience of talking about babies with her although I'm gutted she never met my daughter.

I didn't get counselling as having a newborn was just madly busy and I seem to have passed the stage of crying or ranting now however I can see it being really useful. Talk to your midwife about it too as they can offer support afterwards.

There are no magic words to make it better, it is shit and we shouldn't have to be dealing with it but I promise it does get easier. My DD is named after my mum and it makes me smile now to think of their two strong personalities.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s normal to feel upset and grieve for the times you will want to confide in them and they aren’t there.
I lost my dad before I got pregnant and my aunt during (small family, very close saw her most days, we all went on holiday etc and she supported my mum after the loss of my dad).
I found that when I had my baby, time flew so fast and I was so exhausted that I grieved less.
I missed them most when baby reached certain milestones and I’d talk about them to my baby.
My ‘baby’ is 4 now and I still miss them every day, but there’s an acceptance also. It’s a different process for everyone, hopefully your counsellor will be able to help you xx

It was my dad (but I was far closer to him than my mum due to my childhood). I found out his cancer had come back the week of my 12 week scan with dc2 and he went down hill really fast from that. I saw on him the Sunday, he seemed okay, chatty even. He phoned my mum that night to ask for the football results and she thought the same. The hospital phoned a few hours later to say he was dying. He didn't want her disturbing me because I was pregnant and so by the time I found out, he was unconscious. I found that hard because my last "goodbye" wasn't a proper one because we both thought we had more time.

I found dd's birth hard, that feeling of she's a mini me and he would have adored her hit hard but in the end I think we find strength we didn't know we had. It's 2 years now, I miss him a lot but one thing he wanted was for dc1 (who was 3 when he died) and for dc2 when they arrived was to remember/know who was so I try and channel that grief/anger into ensuring they do.

April is no time at all. I still feel the bitter aftertaste of envy at children's parties etc with grandads running around. I think accepting that this is how you feel and that's okay is a big part of getting through the grieving process. You get pregnant and envisage a particular future so it's not just mourning the person but all those moments you had in your head as well.

Be kind to yourself .

So sorry to hear about your Mum, it must be incredibly hard for you, my Dad died when dd was a week old from an aneurysm, he was fit and healthy and literally died in a second.

That was 7 years ago and still very raw, I take a bit of comfort that he knew about her but still feel incredibly angry that he's gone as I know he would've been a fantastic grandad as he was an amazing Dad.

All I can say is that time does make things a bit better, the raw grief goes and it's now in waves.

I've since had another child and talk about him all the time to them so he's still very much part of the family.