Do you ever get used to it?

[Bexily]

My Mum died 8 weeks ago, it wasn't sudden - she was diagnosed with Cancer in January but I still can't get my head around never seeing her again.

I cope by not thinking about it. I can't accept it. She should be here enjoying life, enjoying her grandchildren. I just want to talk to her and hug her.

I'm so sorry you've lost your mum @Bexily

I'd like to echo what others have said about early days, 8 weeks is nothing really, I expect everything is still up in the air. I lost my little brother to cancer 5 years ago, and although it hurts when I examine it in my head, by and large it's part of my story now, and I am moving on in life (with him very close to my heart). Have you seen the Babadook? Obviously it's a horror film but it's also the closest description of grief to my experience; (spoiler alert) at first she's maddened by grief, but by the end they're both happily picking the black roses in the garden, and the monster lives in a room in the house, which she fearfully visits occasionally. That's how I feel now, there is a part of me that is permanent sadness, but it's like a door I can open and close, I have more of a decision in that than I did in the past. My loss still tinges everything, but I am happy again.

Take this with a large pinch of salt, but I read somewhere that a person might ordinarily be expected to start the process of accepting their loss after six months, which makes some sense to me. But even if that is true, the process is a very long one, in fact I suspect it never ends. Please know that you're not alone, even though - and I am assuming you're in the UK here - it can very much feel like it. We're not very good at grief. I recommend this webpage

Thank you all for the kind messages and condolences to anybody else who has lost somebody.

Fatarse (great name btw) I will look at that website thank you.

I'm currently packing for a 2 week UK holiday so hoping a bit of rest and relaxation will help.

look after yourself. I found the raw pain moved over a lot of time to a dull ache. Be kind to yourself and so sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss. Losing your Mum, when you've been close leaves a very big gap.
My Mum died 5 years ago. It's hard to believe it's been quite that long. I still miss her, but it's not the same as it was in the beginning. The first year/18 months was very hard.
SaltyAndFresh I think I understand what you mean. Something in me changed after my Mum died and 'bleaker' is a good description of it. My Mum also died in her 60's and it felt far too soon, but also was a release as she had cancer and was very unwell.

So sorry for your loss.

I think you get used to it, but don't really get over it.

My dad died over 10 years ago. The initial rawness of the pain does subside but I can still easily tear up thinking about him after all these years. He died before my youngest was born and it breaks my heart that they never knew each other.

But feeling this way shows how special they were to us.

@SaltyAndFresh

You do. I lost my mum four years ago. She was only 60. When she was dying the thought of 40-odd more years without her was unbearable. I still don't really see the point in a lot of life trivia and I have a very firm conviction that I neither want to die in a hospice nor a care home (I will make my own arrangements) but I have got used to it. My DCs are my reason for being but I do take pleasure in lots of other things, even though my bereavement has changed my outlook in quite a bleak way.

Such a true and honest post!

Yes. I would have said no until very very recently but 6 months on it's not as overwhelming, I've accepted it.