DH's eldest son died 6 months ago - coping by not thinking about it

[BarkingHat]

DH's eldest died just before Christmas, after living 2 years from being diagnosed with cancer.

DH is coping by not thinking about it. He can't go anywhere near the thought that it has happened. He keeps busy - works hard - we got a puppy that he adores.

He sees his family a lot.

I guess I'm worried about what happens when he does start to think about it.

I don't have anything helpful to say but I just wanted to let you know that sounds incredibly difficult for you and your poor DH. You must be very worried about him.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I'm sorry OP. It's not easy. Losing a loved one to a long term illness can sometimes mean that the grieving is done before they are actually gone.

I wanted to give you my perspective in the hope it gives you some insight to your DH. I recently lost my sister to cancer. She was diagnosed last year and it was terminal by that stage. The best chance she ever had was a couple of years. I feel like I have been watching her slowly fade away for the last nine months. Even though she was still with us, I sometimes feel like the sister I had left when she got the diagnosis. I feel like I went through some of the grieving process before she died, because I was already grieving the woman she had been before her illness.

I don't know if I have explained that very well. It is early days for me yet. I wonder myself if it will catch up with me in time. But currently that is how I feel.

So sorry OP. When my DH passed 4 years ago, oldest DD then 13, decided after the funeral that she wasn't gonna cry anymore or even think about it. We couldn't discuss anything at all around her. This went on for a solid year before she broke and ended up attending counselling. She still goes e every so often and now has no problem at all discussing anything in regards to him including his death. I guess what I'm saying is try not to worry so much but also be prepared when it does finally happen. Grief hits us all so differently. Hugs to you

Thank you. My mother passed away after a long illness and I felt like I had done my grieving previously. It still hits sometimes even after a decade though.

I’m so sorry for his & your loss op. I lost my son earlier this year (after his birth) so completely unexpected but the grief was there from the beginning but a little more in shock mode if that makes sense. It took me a few months and I had a break down - I essentially hit rock bottom.

Everyone griefs differently and your partner is an adult and hopefully will realise to allow himself time to grieve should he need it. Keep an eye on him and suggest counselling if he feels he needs it. It’s All ok keeping busy but then it hits you like a bus late at night when you’re All alone or when you see something of theirs.

Also something for him to remember. Grief is linear- he’ll have good and bad days.