Chapel of Rest

[iusedtobecool]

My Grandmother died recently at a good age. I have the opportunity to see her before the funeral. This will be a completely new experience for me, and as of now, I do want to go.

I’ve never seen a body in real life before, especially one of someone I love dearly. I Know I have to wear a mask and only 2 in at a time. I wanted to ask if I’d be allowed to touch her? Hold or hand, touch her hair or kiss her? Also, would my kids be allowed to bring a teddy for her or a card/letter ( they won’t be there ) to put in the coffin with her?
Is there particular clothing I should wear?

What have been others experiences? Peaceful or otherwise? Any information or advice would be gratefully received.

I realise I’m probably overthinking everything, but my mind is all over the place just now! X

In ireland we have the bodies home for a wake and can put things in the coffin with the person and in our family close immediate family tend to kiss the forehead or place hand on theirs whilst saying a prayer but iv never been to a chapel of rest to see anyone

And also sorry for ur loss op

I saw my mum a few days after she died and to be honest I wish I hadn't; she didn't look anything like she did when alive. When someone dies they're 'not at their best' so how they look depends a lot on how recently they died and how good the funeral directors are at their makeup.

I don't know if there are particular Covid restrictions but yes, you can touch, stroke, kiss etc. Spend as long as you want with her and come back again if you want. You can put most things in the coffin with her but if in doubt ask the funeral director as crematoriums have safety restrictions.

If in doubt just call and ask the funeral directors -they are always understanding and are there for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Whether or not to see someone's body after they have died is a very personal thing, and for some it's helpful, others not. I can only tell you my experience. I saw my grandmother's body and it didn't look especially like her and I found it upsetting. I saw my dad as he was dying and almost the second he died there was a change and it no longer seemed to be him.
Because of those two things, I chose not to see his body at the funeral directors.
I also chose not to see my other grandparents when they died.
I don't regret seeing my grandmother and I don't regret not seeing the others. I don't know if that's helpful, but it is my experience.

I saw my Dad in the Chapel of Rest and for me, it was comforting.
This was many years ago and I was allowed to touch him, not sure what guidelines there are now with Covid-19 in the mix.

Add you are able to view then I assume your grandmother didn't die from covid, and you will therefore be able to touch her.
However, I echo PP in that unless you particularly feel you need to see her, then don't do it.
She is unlikely to look like herself, mostly because when you die your muscles relax and this changes your features.
You can just wear "normal" clothes, and you can put cards and teddies with her.

I've seen many bodies (work related) but I won't go to see my loved ones when they have died.
I prefer to remember them in happy times looking like themselves and don't want my last memories to be of the outer lifeless shell with ( v.often) badly applied make-up.
Some people can cope with this and erase that memory but I couldn't and I'd prefer to remember them as they were.

I also don't buy into ' they looked like they were sleeping'. Unfortunately. I don't think they do.

Spied some people do look like they are sleeping, but the vast majority don't.

So sorry for ur loss...it may sound a bit strange but I've spoke to my nan who I'm very close to that when she dies would she like me to see her...she told me she doesn't want me to see her so I'm going to respect that when the time comes...a lot of people have said that when someone dies they arnt the person they were when alive so I would like to remember my nan how she is alive xxx

Thank you for your comments. I’ve decided to travel there and see how I feel. My mum and sister are going to be there too, but they saw my grandad ( I was giving birth so I had a good reason not to be there! ) years ago so know what to expect. X

Sorry for your loss. I saw my mum within an hour of her death and of course she still looked the same. However, I chose not to see her thereafter I know it would have been distressing

My dad died 8 weeks ago and I saw him twice in the Chapel of Rest. I’d never seen a dead body before but was with him when he passed. He was at home for around 12 hours before he was collected and died from cancer. At home before his death he looked dreadful, grey, thin but bloated arms and legs etc.. In the Chapel they restored him to how he looked before cancer. It was quite surreal. However he was like a statue as he’d been embalmed. It looked like him but he wasn’t there and it didn’t bring me comfort. See how you feel on the day.. and don’t feel pressured to do it x

My sister died suddenly and alone and had to be identified. No way could my mum or I do that so my DH did it. He said it didn't really look like here. But he stroked her hair and for me it was comforting to know he'd done that. I'm glad I didn't see her body though.

It is such a personal decision, I think of it as seeing a chrysalis after the butterfly has flown away, it still looks like them but what made them a person has gone. I know for me it is the right thing to do as it makes it real and helps with the acceptance. I am unsure at the present time, but normally touching is fine. As per a PP if your loved one is to be cremated then there are restrictions as to what you can place in the coffin, but if a burial then most things are fine. Sorry for your loss.

I saw my little boy after he had died. He looked just like he was sleeping. I had found him dead the day before and he looked awful so it was a comfort to me to see him looking so lovely again. It remains a very traumatic experience but that’s because he was little and it was bloody traumatic that he died.

I chose not to see my Gran after she died. I don’t think you should feel obliged if you don’t want to, especially if she was a good age and it was an expected death.

Hi! I saw my nanna this afternoon and I am so glad I did. I found it very peaceful. My sister and I both left letters we had written, we were able to sort her hair out and say our goodbyes. For some reason my mum has left a spare pair of socks with her too!

I'm so glad you found it helpful 🙂

Thank you X