Last Moments

[HumptyDumpty1947]

My beloved father died last night. it was horrific. He pushed. me away very firmly and his whole face was contorted in a way I have never seen before. I tried to comfort him , telling him I loved him but it was too late. I am so. worried that he was angry with me. I had told him that I loved him and that I would always be with him and him with me, not to be afraid and that we would be together again. It was the first time that I had ever acknowledged that he might not get through and I am petrified he felt let down. I just dont know what to do- I feel distraught

Oh my goodness, how traumatic for you.

I am sorry. I'm sure your dad knew you loved him

Oh bless you, by the way you speak about him, it's obvious you loved him a lot - I'm sure he knew this too x

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds as though your father experienced a natural bodily reflex action in his last moments - I don't think he would have known that he was pushing you away or that his facial expression had changed. You were by his side and he knew you loved him, everything else was just the physiology of life slipping away.

Hi OP, part of dying, the reason why people die in fact, is the body isn't working as it should. I really feel for you having experienced that.

If you are still struggling with it though, can I tentatively offer another way of thinking of it?
If that episode with your Dad had happened a few days before he passed away when he was in a bad way, and then he had rallied somewhat before finally slipping away, or if, say, it had happened just before he went into surgery, and he didn't remember it and wasn't affected by it afterwards, you wouldn't give those moments much importance at all. They would just be one tiny stitch in the rich tapestry of the whole of his life.

Sending virtual hugs and 💐

OP I'm so sorry . I can relate to what you're saying; I was alone with my Dad when he died, the days leading up to it were very peaceful, he was practically comatose. The family took shifts to make sure he wasn't alone when it happened, so everyone thinks it was a peaceful death. However, that's not how I see it, but I can't tell anyone. He actually died while I was asleep, but he looked like he was in mid-scream - he'd opened his eyes and mouth, and his arms were spread out. I have no idea what he actually experienced himself, but it was horrible to witness, I just ran away. From what friends have told me, the body giving up can be quite distressing to witnesses, but for some reason people don't talk it much.

It's not always that fading away that the films show OP, I'm sure it was just his muscles, not you being there.

He will have known you were there and please take comfort in that.