Will the underlying low, tired feeling ever subside?

[Blossom4538]

Hi all,

I lost my Dad at the end of April, very suddenly. I constantly have this underlying, very low, tired feeling, even on better days. Will it ever subside?

I was already on anti-depressants and felt quite stable, other than a few challenges in my personal life, which we’re exacerbated in lockdown.

We forced ourselves to go for a beach walk which really helped this afternoon, but shortly after returning home, I feel so low again. Everything is an effort. 😞

I lost both parents in he last year and though I've copied pretty well I do feel like I've sprung a slow leak somewhere... possibly because I get up early and go to bed late to stave off late night brooding.

Exercise helps - gardening, walking, running, cycling.

In the long term patently it does wear off. Otherwise everyone over 60 would be depressed.

But if you imagine that life is a big stovetop stew, well, it's just had a big serving of something unwelcome dropped in it. The more you can add better ingredients and stir the more the bad taste fades IYSWIM.

I'm so sorry. When I lost my mother, I had very low energy and little strong emotions for almost six months. My therapist said this was normal as your brain is working overtime to adjust to the idea of loss. It gets better...it really does. I'm so sorry you are at that point.

I hope it gets better, that’s what I keep telling myself anyway!

I have my good and bad days (the bad days are really bad and can consume me entirely for days on end) my only advice would be too not beat yourself up about it, I stopped apologising for cancelling plans or wanting to be by myself.

Deep down I know that life has to go on but I do miss both my parents a hell of a lot and I’m not sure I will ever be the same person again after going through the trauma of losing them.

I have seen a medium who I got comfort from, he instantly saw both Mum and Dad around me, and presence of my Mum was extremely strong. The first thing he said was when I opened the door was ‘Wow you really do look like her, she has been telling the whole way here’

Take time to heal, and don’t beat yourself up for it.

Sorry for your loss, I know how it feels. My mum died at the end of june and this is exactly how I feel. I have no energy, I'm constantly tired. This heat isn't helping either. With 2 kids, 6yo and 9 month old baby, what little energy I have goes on them. My partner has been wonderfully supportive but he is working a full time job from home which is quite full on at the moment. I tell him when I having a bad time and he is very understanding. My dad need propping up, understandably, but I've done everything since mum died, everything from death certificate, funeral arrangements to visiting the grave to keep it clean and tidy.

I go from being ok, to weeping at the slightest thing. I go to bed exhausted but then cant sleep and when I do drop off, the baby wakes up so I need sort her out, my partner does help with this too but he needs his sleep as he is working and I'm on mat leave.

Grief is exhausting, I've never experienced anything like this but I guess it's all normal.

@greeneyedlulu your post resonates with me hugely. I lost my mum end of April 6 weeks before my first baby was due
The pain is unbearable and it is nothing you can describe to people who haven't experienced the same loss. I can't believe this is my life I can't believe Ive lost my lovely mum I can't believe I've lost my mum in my twenties I can't believe she will never meet my baby and my baby will never know her

What's it all about this thing called life?

Hello @Blossom4538 I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a sudden bereavement last year and felt exactly this exhaustion for maybe around 2 or 3 months and then a slow improvement over the last year. Being outdoors, exercise, good food and plenty of rest and distraction help. But also just allowing yourself to grieve. Cry if you feel like it, spend a day in bed if you can. Take care x

@mrssunshinexxx what an awful time to lose you mum!! I despair that my youngest will never know her nanny but I'm so pleased mum got to meet her. Even through the dementia haze, mum had moments of clarity and doted on her. I'm truly sorry for your loss

Thank you everyone and much love to you all. It’s not easy is it xx

I’m going to see a well- renowned Medium in September - we’ll see what that brings! 😬. A family member has seen him before and he was amazing 😥💙😇

I would say, 3 years on, no. It doesn't get better, you just think about stuff less.

I found that it goes for a while and returns for a while. The gaps in between do get longer.

It will get better, very slowly, but never goes away. I don’t think about it (death) much and just have memories now. It took a while to get there. When the end thoughts comes it’s like being winded but shorter frequency each time. Al the best to you.