How do I stop myself from crying?

[namechangeforthis234]

My ex FIL passed away recently and it will be my teenage daughter's first funeral. She was very close to her grandad and is so upset, bless her. I was quite close to him and am sad but having lost both my parents in the last 5 years I'm ok and distancing myself from the grief.
My daughter has said she needs me to be strong for her but I'm an empath and will cry when I see others upset, even on TV.
Has anyone got any strategies for the funeral, so I can be the rock my daughter needs me to be?

I think you need to explain to your daughter that it’s normal to cry and you it’s not something that you can stop.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss.

I was advised at my Mums funeral to pinch my hand and fixate on a spot. It helped but I still cried when I saw my sisters, it's only natural and you won't be alone

I am sorry for your loss and of course you need to be strong for your daughter, but you can't be her rock or shield her from either her own grief or yours. He was your fil and you are entitled to be sad and to cry.

I think crying together is quite healing.

Thanks some of you....

I just don't understand MN. I ask a question for practical advice and get told I shouldn't be trying not to cry when it's what my daughter has specifically said would help her, and the comment that being an empath is 'not a thing' is really not helpful.
I thought by posting in bereavement I'd get compassion, obviously not...

OP I think a previous poster is being rather picky. I read it that you were empathic rather than an empath (ie someone who literally receives /projects other people's emotions) I find it hard not to cry in situations where I am affected or where I see others I love struggling with their emotions. Looking up and to the left seems to help keep things stable (or down to a sniffle) but I would gently remind your daughter that whilst obviously you will support her she needs to be aware that you will cry too because you care.

I'm sorry for your losses. The only practical advice I can give is to suck a hard boiled sweet. It does work to a certain extent, I think its the swallowing.

I can understand that your daughter has said you not crying would help her, however... crying doesn't mean you're not strong, and maybe she needs to see that?

I find that focussing on relaxing my stomach muscles helps a bit, it’s a distraction but also disrupts the physical process.

I would question why, or if, crying is considered "not strong". I don't see why you can't be there for her even if you are crying. Just make sure you have tissues enough for two!

I think when the time comes you will find an inner strength and be fine. Sometimes we can be amazing creatures

There's nothing wrong with crying.

Having said that I used a self-hypnosis technique to ensure I didn't cry during my late DH's funeral. I must stress it was what I wanted to do, not any disapproval of crying.

Many , namechange

The only thing that works for me is to stare at a spot on the wall and not listen to anything. But I don't think that will work if you daughter is upset, and you'll automatically get upset too (I would, anyway).

I think a conversation about 'strength' would be good, and that showing your grief is a brave and fearless thing to do.

I find really pinching the webbing between my thumb and forefinger helps if I’m feeling tearful and it’s just not the moment. Also, sternly telling myself it’s not about me. Also, I don’t suppose there will be any dining due to current guidelines, which In my experience is when a lot of people cry because they take a deeper breathe and then it all comes out. So that will help.

You’ve had some stick here, OP, but I do get that there are some times when wanting to support others comes first. If you felt crying/talking about feelings was wrong, I don’t suppose you’d be asking this question. I hope it goes as well as it can.

Any singing, that should say, sorry.

I don't know if your daughter has specifically said you are not to cry, but if she has this isn't fair on you at all. You are all grieving and I would echo what others have said - teach her that showing emotions and being strong are not mutually exclusive and that it is healthier not to bottle things up. You will be there for her by allowing her to express her emotions in whatever way she sees fit and by supporting her through these emotions and also through both the day and the preceding and following days / weeks. No one should be telling you how you should behave in grief - daughter or not.

Hi Op, I’d suggest you take a bottle of water and hankies to the funeral just in case. My great standby were those really strong little peppermints, they seemed to serve as a distraction but not too hard to get rid of. Baths are good beforehand as you can do a lot of crying beforehand and then remedy any damage with a face pack or cold flannel. Sorry for your loss💐

I think it is normal and fine to cry, so don't try to stop yourself