funeral

[kiwiskiwis]

I just watched the recording of my Dad's funeral. I'm glad I did but I wish I hadn't. I feel odd...upset, numb, shocked, I don't know how I feel really.

I'm sorry for your loss x

I live streamed DH cousin funeral yesterday, it was quite a strange experience, just seeing the coffin and the speaker and nothing else.

Thank you. It was really strange, a mixture of angry that I couldn't go, envious of the people who could go and that there weren't very many of them, that I had no say in how it was arranged on the whole, people who should have been mentioned were not mentioned and the recording of the eulogies to him were cut short at the end of the video so I only heard a limited number of them - it was an informal funeral where it was an 'open mic' for people to share stories, I saw from photos that 5 or 6 people did but I have no idea what they said about him. Some of the other descriptions about him were unrecognisable.

I couldn't go to my mum's
It didn't really happen

The rituals of death are so important for those left behind

Look after yourself @kiwiskiwis

Sorry about your Mum and her funeral
My dads didn't really happen either and it felt like I'd never said goodbye
It still doesn't, i needed to be there 😰

Yes - we had the funeral director, 2 pieces of music and that was it

we are having one hell of a party next year we think/hope

You haven't said why you weren't able to be there but whatever the reason it's ok to feel how you feel and that will change day to day or even minute to minute. Be kind to yourself.

We can't do that, we are in a different country to all his friends, they were at the funeral. Here there are only a handful of people who barely know each other.

We can't do that, we are in a different country to all his friends, they were at the funeral. Here there are only a handful of people who barely know each other.

Sorry. It's so hard. My mum's funeral was just me, and 5 minutes long. It was very strange.

Sorry for your loss and you had to go through it alone
I can't deal with this, with having watched the funeral, I am trying not to cry so I don't wake my dc up, I can't distract myself, I can't stop it hurting.

Watching it was a mistake, I can't move on from feeling and being tearful. God only knows how I am going to put a brave face on at work.

Hugs to you, @kiwiskiwis

I watched the live stream of my dad's funeral last Friday as I'm on the other side of the world and couldn't get back.

I did find it helped being part of it - the vicar mentioned that I (and others) were watching and even though the live stream kept cutting out, I found it comforting.

Sorry that it made you feel worse - I can totally understand that too

OP please have a memorial service ASAP.
Deepest condolences

I don't know that we can. There is talk of one but I don't know that I can face it 😭 I think I have to go back to a brave face somehow. He had three other children who are very close and I'm the odd one who doesn't belong as they all have the same parents and I don't. At his funeral their mother was mentioned and his wife was mentioned and it was as if my mother didn't exist but that's always going to be how it was, I can understand that. I don't have any hard feelings towards them and they have tried to make me feel welcome with them and their mother but they are a family unit that I'm not part of. That's down to me not them, I can't fault them in any way at all. but after them having had their childhood growing up together they all belong in a way that I don't, we never formed that bond as they were strangers when I was a child and we never did make one as adults.

OP can you visit his grave or a remembrance place with people close to you. Or if that's not possible make one of your own in your garden or outside somewhere pretty. Even plant a tree or shrub? In his honour?

There isn't a grave as he was cremated at his request and all the places he loved are the other side of the world where he had lived for the last twenty years of his life. There are two places here he used to spend time but he is not there and hadn't been for years.

Is there somewhere that you have a.special memory with him near you OP?
If not make something special in his memory. Even a plant?

I have a plant in my house which is the same as the one I bought him the day before he died, he wanted new plants.

Thinking of you today @kiwiskiwis - I know I found the next day difficult xxx

Thank you. Today was indeed difficult, I have struggled to be patient with people.

6 weeks on I still end up in floods of tears

Just be gentle with yourself & be kind, you need to be kind to your self

Be kind to yourself.
Your feelings are very new and raw.
You're allowed to feel them - you've just lost your Dad.
I can't imagine how you have felt watching his service at a distance, but believe me, being there probably wouldn't have felt much better.
Grief is grief, whether or not you can be present at the service.
My DF's funeral wasn't exactly what I wanted for him - I wrote what I thought was a lovely eulogy for him, but it wasn't used for reasons that aren't relevant here.
Could you go to one of the places he went to with you, and play his favourite music / think of a memory of him there / look at some of your favourite pictures of him?
It could be your own special memorial to him, and could be something you could revisit each year if you wanted to.
Your children will not suffer if they see you are sad because your father has passed away. It will help their understanding of what has happened and allow them to see that expressing your emotions is ok. So, don't be afraid of showing how you feel, as long as your children understand why you feel that way - and asking then for a hug because you're sad may well truly help.

Be kind to yourself.
Your feelings are very new and raw.
You're allowed to feel them - you've just lost your Dad.
I can't imagine how you have felt watching his service at a distance, but believe me, being there probably wouldn't have felt much better.
Grief is grief, whether or not you can be present at the service.
My DF's funeral wasn't exactly what I wanted for him - I wrote what I thought was a lovely eulogy for him, but it wasn't used for reasons that aren't relevant here.
Could you go to one of the places he went to with you, and play his favourite music / think of a memory of him there / look at some of your favourite pictures of him?
It could be your own special memorial to him, and could be something you could revisit each year if you wanted to.
Your children will not suffer if they see you are sad because your father has passed away. It will help their understanding of what has happened and allow them to see that expressing your emotions is ok. So, don't be afraid of showing how you feel, as long as your children understand why you feel that way - and asking then for a hug because you're sad may well truly help.

Sorry for the long and double post.
I sincerely hope it doesn't add to your troubles.

it was good to be able to post about it. i should clarify it wasn't live streamed but a link to a recording of it, it wasn't able to be live streamed so i had to watch it afterwards, I hadn't expected to get the link for it so it was a shock to find it when i got home from work.