Hi all, I lost a close family a few weeks before lockdown. Prior to that I hadn’t lost anyone close to me so the feelings are new to me. I had never even been to a funeral so I didn’t know what to expect. Thankfully we were able to hold a normal funeral before lockdown.
I feel like I haven’t grieved. I miss him dearly and think about him every day but I’ve barely shed a tear in about 3 months. I cried a little for maybe a week or two but nothing since. Generally I’m not much of a crier and hide me emotions well.
I feel like I’ve gone into autopilot. I’ve chucked myself into lockdown, looking after my children and spending time with my husband. We’ve been busy during lockdown exploring the countryside where we are fortunate to live, doing up the garden, decorating and keeping up with the children’s home work.
But I feel totally guilty that I haven’t felt much emotion. Like I said I miss him dearly.
I have hundreds of photos of him. I sorted them out just after he died but I’ve not looked at them since.
Is it normal to avoid wanting to look at photos? I have photos on my phone camera roll and j just scroll past them. I can’t bear it. Maybe I know that will set me off and I want to feel strong and in control. I’m so exhausted from lockdown (two kids with sen) that I’ve barely had any time to think for myself.
My family wee the opposite. Although we haven’t been able to see them during lockdown. They are still very emotional, it’s really affected their mental health, they mope around whereas I’ve been keeping myself busy. It is me to keep busy and shit off my feelings!
Like I said I think about him all the time but I don’t really talk about him to people.
Anyone else experienced this? It seems to go against the norm of grieving.