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Bereavement

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specific day for thinking of my mum

2 replies

MotherMorph · 26/06/2020 11:38

This sounds really silly but wonder if it resonates with anyone else.

NC for this. My mum died 9 years ago. She had cancer for about 6 years and varying treatments for it, and periods of remission, and then died from an unexplained illness after being in a coma for 2 weeks. I was really close to her and have thought about her a lot during the covid 19 crisis, as her symptoms were a high temp, exhaustion and being unable to breathe. They put her on a ventilator, and then an induced coma and she passed away.
Anyway the day she went into hospital was the day of DC1s first sports day at school. It was a boiling hot day and I went home to get a hat for DC2 who was a baby,and there was an answerphone message saying she was in hospital.
Since then I have always sort of associated that time with sports day at school. Its nearly always boiling hot and I always think about her and find it quite an emotional day, but also sort of comfoting to think of her as well.
This sounds really weird but now of course sports day won't be happening but I almost feel I wont have that reminder day. Of course I can think about her at any time and her birthday, and the anniversary of her death are within the next couple of weeks too but I feel like I wont have that "commemoration" to focus on.

OP posts:
Quail15 · 26/06/2020 21:47

I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't sound weird at all. It is a day that you associate with remembering her and that is important to you.

I lost my nan (very close, I cared for her for many years) in similar circumstances. She was ill with cancer for 20 + years then all of a sudden was rushed into hospital for an unrelated problem. I visited her on the 1st 2 days she was in hospital and the doctors said she was on the mend. The next day was my in-laws birthday and they came round for a meal so I didn't visit. The next morning I got a phone call to say my nan had deteriorated suddenly and passed away in her sleep. I feel very guilty for not visiting that day.
I was expecting her to die for years but the suddenness of it all really through me.

I hope you are ok and find a way to celebrate her this year X x

echt · 27/06/2020 11:32

So very sorry for your loss, MotherMorph, and no, your associations are not silly, they are are what are meaningful for you, which is what matters. My DH's death anniversary for me is tomorrow, when I found him dying ( though brain dead in truth). His official death was days later after testing for organ donorship.

Tomorrow is the real thing for me and I'll be toasting his memory with my DD, a meal and fizzy.🥂

I hope you find your day and hold it. Thanks

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