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Bereavement

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Bereaved stepmum

3 replies

Forky123 · 15/06/2020 12:58

My father died a couple of years ago and my Stepmother, who’s been in my life since I was in primary school, is still struggling a lot. She doesn’t have children of her own and lives by herself.

She’s quite a needy and anxious person. Before lockdown she was relying heavily on friends for emotional support and had become almost child-like with a kind of need to be looked after. Not so much on a practical level, more in an emotional sense.

Clearly lockdown has been tough for her and she has been pretty isolated overall.

I live abroad and speak to her most days by Skype and had thought she was doing well but she’s really not. It’s like she’s reached her quota of energy and now needs someone else to prop her up a bit.

But I don’t even think he friends or family can give the support she needs. She needs a husband, she needs my dad. It’s so heartbreaking to think of her on her own, and now is not the time where she can develop new hobbies or distract herself from her grief.

I feel terribly helpless and guilty for not being there but also a bit burdened by it all as I can’t do much from this distance, lockdown or not.

Not sure why I’m posting really. There’s no magical answers Sad

OP posts:
Hopingtobeamum · 15/06/2020 13:10

Bless you and her, that sounds awful. Has your SM considered counselling? that may help with coping mechanisms in which to move forward. Good luck x

StrangeTimes · 15/06/2020 13:11

Oh Forky I couldn’t read and not post. I have no answers either but you sound a lovely person caring about your step mother while you are grieving too. I wish you all the best and hope another poster can can up with some sensible advice.

Forky123 · 15/06/2020 18:00

Thank you.

She tried counselling via the hospice where my father died - both group support sessions and individual counselling and decided it wasn’t for her. Partly I think because she has to work through it and what she wants is someone to make it all better. Which is clearly impossible.

Honestly I wish she could meet someone else, I can’t see that she would want to, and it’s probably a bit too early and not going to happen easily due to Covid, but I think it’s what she needs. Someone who will take her under their wing.

She’s strong in so many ways but child-like in others and it’s like she needs parenting. I can’t fulfill that role so feel useless.

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